Austin's Lesbo BBQ

Here we go. I'm currently buckling down and preparing for 10 hours in a car with my wonderful family. The departure time was set at a strict 4 a.m., so I decided that it would be better to just stay up and drink beer rather than get a good night's rest. I'll hear about it in a few hours...

I also regarded this family trip as the perfect opportunity to come out to my dad and stepmom...although I assure you this is nothing more than an idea, I just thought it would add to the comedy of the situation...of course, if I neglect to clear the browser history on my dad's computer, he might just find out without me.

Just think. Arguments on where to eat lunch will be abound...my 11 year old stepbrother will be continuously chanting "McDonald's...McDonald's....McDonald's....McDonald's..."...my dad's wife will be futility whining about how my dad should have known the road ahead was going to be under construction and that lightning was going to strike at 10:48 am on the left side of the feeder road in Theodore, Mississippi. My younger brother will be mouth-breathing and staring out the window. I'll be knitting.

This will take some of the pressure off as I wait til the right moment to belt out "Oh, for the love of fuck...I'm gay!" Maybe the car will come to a screeching halt accompanied by that record-stopping noise that all those movies use. Or maybe there'll just be silence followed by "Ok. McDonald's sounds good." Or maybe I'll be left on the side of the road in Theodore, Mississippi to wait for the next god-supplied bolt of lightening. It's a fun thought...none of this will happen though.

Adventures will be had though...I assure you. Until I am able to report back on these experiences, I will express my first and certainly not last "I need a damn cigarette!" declaration for the week...who knows...maybe I'll come back rehab-ed and ready to quit for good...for now though, I'm going to stick my head out the bathroom window and sneak a few drags until I get caught.

Will you take care of my cats while I'm gone? I know...I said that I wouldn't do this...but somebody needs to pay attention to them.  Me being gone will give Cat B the opportunity to shine.

Also, I need someone to keep my seat at the bar warm while I'm gone. The bartenders won't know what to do when "that chick that always comes in here wearing that one shirt and doesn't say anything" doesn't appear. The place just might have to shut down.

Oh yeah. I also need someone to engage in some sarcastic banter with that girl that I think is really cute...she can't seem to remember my name because it's slightly off and doesn't make any sense. I wouldn't want to confuse her...so preferably you'd be willing to take on a pseudonym that would fit the previously mentioned characteristics.

Thanks. I owe you dinner and a beer. You're the greatest.

I just went out to get some smokes at 4:30 in the morning. I know that I've done this before, but I've never realized how difficult this was. I'll break it down for you...seeing that I just got back, and now that I have my death-stick, I have the concentration to do this:

1st attempt: that damn Shell station at 38th and the I35 feeder. I'll just start by saying, I've never had a good experience at this store. No matter what the time of day. How exactly am I supposed to get anything when the person working the graveyard shift won't stop doing inventory in order to take my money?...I waited patiently...as much as I could handle. Then I thought of the Quix that I used to frequent when I lived a block away from it. I decided that that would be a better choice.

2nd attempt: San Jacinto and Duval. The Quix no longer exists. This a very recent change. I went there no longer than 2 weeks ago and it was still a 24 hour Quix. Now it's "My Mart" or some bullshit like that. They closed at midnight. Fuck.

3rd attempt: this was just a thought actually. I was going to go to the Sleven at 26th and Guadalupe. A college default favorite...until I realized...

4th attempt: There's a damn Sleven at 51st and Lamar! For the love of Christ...that's closer to my house than my first attempt...why did it take me 20 minutes of driving around to figure this out? I don't know...it should be an indicator that 1. I don't need cigarettes 2. I'm stupid

Success.

Gah. I've been thinking about leaving this damn town for so long now. As I stated in my profile description, Austin is the Mecca of the twentysomething wasteland...and every time I think I've finally had it, something or someone else creeps up on me and keeps me here for just a little bit longer.

What the fuck is it?!? I know you other Austin peeps out there know what I'm talking about. This place is great...I love it to death. The outdoor activities are endless...the social activities are plentiful. Yet despite all this, I still want to get out.

Maybe it's not the city itself...Maybe it's my recent failed relationships...maybe it's that I've watched so many of my closest friends move on while I've stayed put...or maybe it's just that I'm afraid of life in general. I don't know.

But, there's one thing I do know for sure...I'm certainly not only one who's ever had these thoughts...and this strangely makes me feel o.k. for having these feelings. This doesn't' mean that I'm not going to do anything about my situation, but it does make me feel like at least partially sane. I not so sure that any other city will clear up all my worries, but it does seem like the hip thing to do...

So many maybes...is the disillusionment clear now?

Since I've had the Go-Go's stuck in my head for the last week, I thought it was about time to declare my planned departure from Austin for 10 days.

"Where are you going? And why, oh why, must you leave us here all alone?" you may be asking. I will be joining my Brady Bunch family on their yearly vacation...this year's destination: sunny Destin, Florida! And as to why I must leave you all alone, well, you'll learn someday.

There's so much certain upcoming wackiness on this trip...I don't even have time to go into right now.

But sadly, I most likely won't have computer access during my bitter-sweet journey. Sooooo....here's my offer to the world: virtually join me on my trip by becoming a lucky recipient of an authentic hand-written postcard! Just think. Real mail from a real person. I know my mailbox very rarely sees this.

If you're interested and you've decided by reading my blog posts that I'm probably not all "that psycho"...email me your mailing address and you'll get a postcard! And I swear, you'll never receive anything else from me in the mail...unless you ask...and,ummm, besides those various body parts I've been looking to discard. Weeeee....

I will not post a blog entry about my cats
I will not post a blog entry about my cats
I will not post a blog entry about my cats
I will not post a blog entry about my cats
I will not post a blog entry about my cats
I will not post a blog entry about my cats
I will not post a blog entry about my cats
I will not post a blog entry about my cats
...

There should really be some sort of regulation on drunk eBay bidding...for now, I am now the proud owner of Kraftwerk's 1981 album "Computer World".

Yes, I know...this album will one day help propel my underground 80's new wave/post punk deejaying career to formally unseen heights...but in the meantime...I  merely have this record that makes me want to beam myself into the future with my home computer. I don't regret it... someday, it will happen...and even soberly, I think Kraftwerk well worth it.

Other than that, I have so many thoughts tonight, that I can't even contain them in one post...so, I'll start with this one:

There are so many people out there with God-given natural talents for art that many people couldn't touch even if they wanted to. To all you people: get in touch with this talent and do something with it! And I don't necessarily mean use it to make money...but rather use it to find out what you and your brain have in common. 

It pains me to see so many wasted...or rather, unrecognized...talents that are out there.  It really hurts. If you only were able to see it in yourself...the opportunities for yourself would be endless.

Ahhh...deep thoughts...so refreshing.

 

There are no fun stories tonight. My brain is set on "serious" mode...a setting it only encounters every once in a while.  While my brain is in this mode, it enjoys looking to websites such as ClarkHoward.com to learn about consolidating my student loans and how to avoid senior care fraud...this serves a special purpose of reminding me how much money I've invested in four and a half years of massive alcohol consumption and how those years will be inconsequential when I'm rotting away in a two-bit nursing home.

On a lighter note, I have another link will bring us all together for the sake of fashion.

I was blessed with the opportunity of participating in a focus group for Adidas accessories. Their new fall line will now be based on my strong opinions about the color pink...a scary thought if you consider that I couldn't remember the last time I purchased something at a "retail outlet".

In return for my services, I received a $50 gift certificate for the Adidas online store. Yay! New shoes! Unfortunately, these types of serious shopping decisions overwhelm me and I end up in the fetal position at the end of my bed whenever I'm presented with them.

I need help. Take it upon yourselves to visit the Adidas Online Store and help me pick out some new shoes. Don't limit yourselves to the women's shoe selection...as I stated before, I have serious opinions about the color pink. Your comments will be sincerely noted...If I get no comments...well...I'll just have to default to that multi-paneled wind suit I've been dying to bring home for the past 3 years.

Next Sunday, A.D.

I'd like to know if there is anyone out there that actually enjoys watching Mystery Science Theater. For real. The original full length movies. Old schoolers who are truly entertained by the show in all its genuine glory.

I've been on the look out for you people for years now. In all my experiences of meeting people, you are few and far between. It takes a certain type of person to actually sit through the hideous movies and pay close attention to the brilliant commentary.

It's by far the best show ever created (subjectively speaking, of course). The show started off on public access in Minneapolis in the late eighties. They made their own characters and sets...and the majority of the show was ad-libed. MST3K's giant cult following landed them on Comedy Central and ultimately the Sci-Fi Network.

This show is a true example of the American Dream put in action. This guy Joel had an idea. He did it. People liked it. His idea was recognized by the big guys and it flourished...to its full extent. In the end, it's full extent was still pretty miniscule.

But, despite its relatively small following, its one of the very few television shows that's really made an impact on my life. Watch it in the right frame of mind. It will crack your shit up. I've done my best to introduce people to the MSTK school of thought. Some have absorbed it with a vengeance...others have yawned and pined for their next tetanus booster throughout the movie.

TV is painful. There are few shows that justify the existence of this numbing box. This is one of those. Find an outlet. Check it out. Do yourself a favor.  

And as a final thought, tip your pizza deliverers well. My cats and I would like to eat dinner in the upcoming weeks. Thanks and have a pleasant day.

Ahhhh...I had fun last night. What did I do? Well, nothing all that out of the ordinary. Drank beer at a local bar with some of my cronies, shared some laughs...I'm sure something got broken along the way...lost a cell phone...got followed home by a car full of hoodlums who wanted to kick our ass...a typical Friday night.

Let me start of by saying, driving around at 2:30 in the morning on a Friday or Saturday night is an adventure unto itself...whether you're drunk or sober. But, if you're the fightin' type, try changing lanes on westbound 6th street at 2:30 in the morning on a Friday night. Yes folk, this apparently will bring a fight right to your doorstep! And look, all you had to do was drive...isn't that neat?

It was actually kinda fun. I wasn't the driver, but my friend who was driving wisely choose to go to the Quix rather than back to her apartment. I went into the store to get some smokes, only to come back out and find this chick from the other car trying to start a fight with my scrappy yet drunk ex-girlfriend and my other pacifist never-had-an-argument in her life friend.

This girl from the other car was certainly in a fightin' mood. But, it just wasn't working. She even made some pointy nose comment to my ex while grabbing her nose in that "Got your nose!" kind of way. That didn't work either...the fighting girl had to fend off a hug attempt. My pacifist friend, on the other hand, was trying to work things out. She explained herself and her driving techniques while basically inviting these people out for tea and cookies.

I was a mere observer...along with the other two cars full of people who were hanging out until the shit went down. Thanks guys! Glad to know you've got our back...I think.

You gotta love Austin. In any other city I might have feared that we'd be knifed with our happy-go-lucky attitude towards her fightin' words. But eventually she gave up. I think we confused her. We should be a superfriend team. I'll have to think of a name for this team. And then...watch out! We'll be out in full force...doing nothing to villains across the land.

I apologize. My brain is not up for thinking today. But, I do have to comment about the two men holding up the "NO GAY MARRIAGES" sign on the 12th street bridge over I35 (facing the southbound lanes) on Thursday.

My comment is this: I was already hot and pissed off at the beautiful rush hour traffic. They made it worse. I got angry. Then I tried to tell myself to stop being angry. If I let these men make me angry, then they have won. So, I calmed down and just thought about all the fantastic signs that I could make. Joining them up on the 12th street overpass bridge at 4 o'clock on a hot July day would just be pure joy!

But, I was not prepared to do this...I left all my sign making gear at home. Still, I thought it would be fun to make a sign that read "These guys obviously have nothing better to do"...and then I'd just stand out their with them. At least it would take some attention away from them.

So, I was ranting to a friend of mine on a popular chat medium about how I haven't stayed all that true to my blog title. I just can't come up with any lesbian themed posts to spark any conversations...sorry ladies.

But then, he pointed out to me that if my posts were all centered around the theme, they might sound like this:

 "Work today sucked.  Asshole men customers.  I'm listening to Ani DiFranco, so that always makes me feel better.  I've stopped shaving...it's so...artificial.  I saw this totally hot chick at Sidekicks and I almost bought her a drink.  I'm going to this gay pride rally on Tuesday.  I also put a rainbow flag bumper sticker on my truck.  Well, I guess that's it for tonight...bye grrrrls! ;-) "

But, we all know that is not how it goes...for any of us...hopefully. Anyway...Unfortunately, for the sake of the blog title, my everyday life doesn't really have much to do with my sexuality. And, I think they majority of the ladies in town (again, I think) are probably the same way. I should get out more and find out for myself.

I guess I could talk about my personal relationships, but that would sure as hell get me into trouble...I know YOU'RE reading this! SO, again, my apologies...you can either just read or comment/post yourself...you have the power.

I don't watch much TV. But when I do, it's generally one of these shows: The Simpsons or Jeopardy.

I actually got to watch Jeopardy today only to find out that the smarmy guy named Ken is still fucking a contestant on there. Will the madness ever stop? His total winnings are now over 1.5 million dollars and he's been on the show for some sickening amount of time, like every day for 2 months!

I have seen him guess and get right at least four daily doubles and be all "Awww, shucks...I don't know how I got that right!"

I want him to go down in flames...flames I tell you.

 I don't know why I'm so cynical about it. Maybe it's because inbetween seeing his face everyday at 5 o'clock, I end up watching that chick from The View urge me about talking to my doctor about a suitable aspirin regimen. Or maybe my cynicism stems from listening to a five year old girl ask her grandmother why she is chugging her fiber while aptly pointing out that "Mommy doesn't chug her fiber." 

Honestly, I don't know the true reason.

But, he must go. Somebody's got to be able to kick his ass...or maybe the mythical "judges" that Alex is always consulting over his right shoulder will make an long awaited appearance and drag Ken off stage.

Today's theme: friendship with the ex.

It's so simple in theory. But I'm wondering if it's even at all possible. I mean, I know it is in a sense, I have examples to point to (so I think).  But, in reality, I'm wondering if it's like quitting smoking...in that the feelings are always there but the actual actions are upon you.

Days, months and years can pass without any instances. But, if these instances do occur, it's as if the whole friendship thing was never actually possible. Things are back to the first step all over again...and usually with more complications.

So. What does it take to be nothing but friends? Discipline? A complete lack of physical attraction? Fear? Commitment to another person? Discipline?

I guess you could stop having any contact with them. But, if you remove yourself from the ex so that you only have minimal contact with them, how exactly do you consider yourself a friend?

I swear, I thought I really knew the answer to this. But now, I'm really starting to rethink my decisions.

This is the best title for my post to explain how I'm feeling. I just said goodbye to my best friend who will be moving herself and the majority of her earthly possessions to New York City tomorrow.
 
I guess it wouldn't be so painful if she wasn't my best friend ever...or if all of my closest friends were actually still around. But, they're not. And you'd think that it would get easier with each experience...but it doesn't.
 
Fuck it! I'm becoming a recluse and no one will ever see me again, damnit! Except for my cats...I'd have a hard time with out them. Oh yeah, and I have to go to work in the morning too...I guess they'll see me. And then all the people that I bring food to...they'll see me as well.
 
Ok. Well, the recluse idea is solidified yet. But either way, this sucks.

We're all lucky tonight. I will be sparing all of you from a post that poses any questions or asks for any of your thoughts. Instead, I present you with this...fun album title names! I've had many in the past, but here are the most recent:
 
-Sock questions for moms
 
-Can I get a biscuit? (this has to be said with "Can I get a witness?" in mind)
 
Ok. That's all I have. Sorry. I'll make sure to include some fun band names and more fun album title names in future posts.
 
Oh, and by the way, I lied. I do have some new thoughts. This is in response to a Craigslist posting I just read. There was a comment by a chick about the chain walleted baggy clothes ladies that were patronizing Sidekicks on Saturday night. So very hurtful. Sniff. Ok, well, not really, but anyway...I happen to be one of those girls (I wasn't at Sidekicks on Saturday night, but just if gross generalizations are to be made, I fit that one). And, just so you know, we can actually be feminine too! Wow...it's a crazy thought, I know...but it is possible for us to to look, smell, dress and capture the light like of true women.
 
Or, here's a thought...maybe those girls you want to meet don't spend their time at gay bars! It's crazy to think how many independents are actually out there. And the only way you're ever going to meet them is by expanding your horizons.   
 
Give it a chance. Meet and hang out with us. It could be interesting. We may look one way regularly on the outside, but you may be surprised to know that we may be willing to wear a dress every once in a while. Or even go swimming in an actual bathing suit. Or, *gasp* wear perfume at the same time as wearing matching underwear.
 
 
Anyway, it's your loss. I personally love meeting people no matter what. And I mean that in every way possible. I like to meet boys, girls, the gay/straight/bisexual like, older people, younger people, conservative peeps, liberal riffraff, the legally insane...this could go on forever.
 
Here's the idea: The more you open yourself up to people in general, the more you will learn and experience...and possibly get hurt too, but that's a whole other post. Those grungy looking chicks may just have friends who wouldn't leave their houses without their trendy handbags... or they may be just like that in their own way.
 
Few props to the chicks that think like the Craiglist poster. Comment in favor of her and I will offer you a mixed CD that musters up images of clowns while you sleep.
 
Dear God...who would've thought that blogging would've offered such an outlet for so many mixed CD ideas? I sure didn't. 
 

If you haven't already been able to tell, I have this unhealthy obsession with music. I can't play it.  I sure as hell can't sing it. But damn if I don't love listening to it and deciphering it's lyrics.  I'm telling you this, because I'd like to make a disclaimer for my un-originality in my post titles and post references.
 
Normally, my ideas are spurred by songs that I hear and then I go from there.
 
Ok. So, I've been listening to the songs that are considered "romantic" and that pass as "our song" for many a year. And for some reason, I think it's weird that people don't actually listen to the lyrics in a song and take it for what it was meant to be. So many sappy songs that are considered romantic were actually written with the intent to be the exact opposite. It strangely hurts me that the artists intentions are not truly felt.
 
But...this is dangerous territory. The common person is not an artist. And the song writer's art is being presented common people. So, the people should be able to do with it what they please. Granted.  People are able to take this art and apply it to their lives as they feel fit. They are at liberty to let any song, no matter what it was written to mean, to become apart of their memories and feelings.
 
This is why I'm torn. I love music so much. And because this is my passion, I just wish everyone else would consider it as much as I do, but at the same time, I'm glad that so many people like music just because (including myself). It's a really easy and available art to admire...and so much fun at the same time!
 
Sigh. Blogs are cool for circular thoughts. I will totally offer up a CD example to complement this this post...it's my favorite hobby.
 
And by the way, you should defiantly go check out Neil and Tim Finn when they come into to town. Crowded House is one of the best bands ever...and, oh yeah Tim, Split Endz too...can we please hear the acoustic "I Got You"?

Ooooh Barracuda! Ok. So maybe Heart's songs can be made into one big CrazyonBarracudaMagicMan medley, but even so, I don't think I could miss this classic rock assemblage that will appear in our fair town in September.
 
I will have to admit that my feelings for Heart have waxed and waned over the past 10 years...being forced to listen to classic rock non-stop that one summer at that one job I worked at for six years and all...but, nevertheless, my true sentiments have been recognized.
 
And I'm really wondering if any of us actually knows what it means to "go crazy on you"...sure, it sounds simple enough, but really listen to the lyrics and you may have a different opinion. I'm in the school of thought that the song is about a sexually frustrated housewife from the 1940's. Of course, this is school was established in my head circa 2004...make your own judgments. Fascinating nonetheless.
 
But really, let's go. I haven't bought a ticket yet, but I will go...And you should come too.
 
Oh yeah. And again, although my last post didn't have any takers, I will offer up a mixed CD of Heart and Heart influenced bands (ummm yeah...I may be posing a bit of a challenge for myself) for any insights.

So, figured I would just try start this thing off. I went out to Gurlz Cellar on Tuesday night for the first time in a few months and I was baffled by the crowd change there.

What was up with all the straight couples and straight guys?!?

That's about it. I'll admit that I'm not the best candidate for Austin's Lesbian of the Year when it comes to keeping up with the social scene, but last time I checked there were mostly girls at this gathering. I go out on the town quite frequently, but I don't stick to the "scene"...so, I guess I missed something along the way.

Anyone who has any major insight on this subject is eligible to receive a mixed CD featuring Paul Lekakis and other varied songs that include "boom" as their major theme. It may be a short compilation, but well worth it...

Ok. Here it is. I'll start out by saying this is a blog for you and me. Well, mostly for me, but we'll get into that later. Recently, I was frequenting Craigslist (a fabuloso site, might I add) and I saw that all the ladies in the w4w section were all up and chatting. Good for you. I'd say us, but I didn't actually post anything...well, accept for the link that brought you here, but anyway...and I thought a good blog would be nice. The Craigslist Forum is quite messy looking with all its threads and stuff...I feel cozier here on blogspot. It feels like mom's cooking...and Christmas.

But, I digress. Lesbo BBQ is a place for us to all feel at home. Some may be asking "Why BBQ?" And others may be answering with "It's because she enjoys slaughtering and slow-smoking girls who kiss girls. Duh." Yes, yes...that does sound appealing, but alas, it's not true.

First off, I got the phrase from a gathering I went to last month. It was fun. Second, to me, BBQs envelop lots of good stuff...such as: food, friends, badminton, High Life in cans and being outside.

Do you catch my drift?

If not, here it is: BBQ= fun and friends

Hence the name. Here will be a place on the interweb where the ladies can post or comment or just read anything that they want. I will be the regulator (mount up) in order to keep out the ultra-sleaziness. But feel free to engage in as much mid-level sleaziness as you'd like.

If you want to start a new post of your own, feel free to email me and I will certainly give you that power. Until then, you'll have to be satisfied with commenting and/or reading about my bullshit.

All I ask is that we just be nice to each other. Is that too much? Ok then. Let's go.