Austin's Lesbo BBQ

Pre-work, fractured thoughts for a too-much-espresso afternoon

-Panic is one of my least favorite songs by The Smiths, yet I've had it stuck in my head since last night...I wish it would stop.

-I'm about to go back to being just a pizza delivery driver...at least for the summer. I've managed to live off of this job or something like it (I guess it depends on what you consider "living") for almost five years now. Yet, I'm still worried. I wish it would stop.

-I'd like to get really, really drunk and not have to worry about what I had to do the next day...I'd like to spend the day after getting really, really drunk, by myself, getting over a moderate hangover while listening to music, surfing the web and writing. Mostly listening to music though...and maybe some coffee will be involved.

-I have a girlfriend. Yeah, she's pretty cool...like, if you were around, I'd like for you to meet her and hang out with us. When did this happen again?

-I've nearly finished the next round of Peace Corps application packet...I wish I had an outline or something for the application/acceptance (or denial)/placement/leaving process...as of now, the stuff that's been sent to me for filling out has been mysterious. I've been keeping up with a decently useless MySpace group...but, it's exciting nonetheless.

-I can't wait for the summer soccer season to start already. I was in class the other day and started wondering why my shirt was totally chaffing my style. It was just slightly tight and annoying...I spent half the day trying to figure out what was up. Did I use too much detergent? Was there an extra button I've been missing for the past three months that I just unknowingly discovered and, subsequently, buttoned?

Oh. No..wait. I've gained weight. What a bitch.

-Sweet dreams are made of these. Who am I to disagree? I travel the world and the seven seas. Everybody's looking for something.

-My spelling has gotten much better since I started writing semi-frequently over the past two years. I've been telling myself pretty much my entire life that I'm a horrible speller. It's pretty damn cool that it can be changed with practice...even as an adult. Now, on the other hand, my grammar skillz have managed to hover around mediocre.

I came home from schoolly-work today and checked the mail..as I always do...and, not too much to my surprise, I found a credit card statement.

But, to boot,(and to my surprise) I also found a a plain looking envelope.

I opened both...the plain one was a notice to me (Cardholder) about the "exciting news that my credit line has just been extended!...due to my on-time payments...and improved credit standing." Blah blah.

I read that...and then I read my credit card statement and noted that, yet once again, my APR had just slightly risen.

So, I called the company...went through the goddamned button-punching motions of the automated system, and two days later, I was able to talk to a customer service representative. Here's a re-cap of our brief, yet profoundly circuitous, conversation:

CSR: Good afternoon..thank you for calling Company...this is Diane...how may I assist you today?

Me: Hello....well, see...I was just calling to see if I could cut a deal with you guys. I just received in the mail today another credit extension...I think this is the second one in the last 6 months. But, see the thing is...I don't want any more credit, but I would really like it if my APR came down. Do you see?

CSR: Um, yes..ok ma'am...can you hold for just a minute or two?

Me: Sure sure. (cue REALLY loud classical music...for about 45 seconds...)

CSR: Ma'am? Well, I'm seeing that we don't have any offers right now for lower APRs, although we do put out promotions and you may be eligible for them when they come up.

Me: Um, well...ok. What makes me eligible for a lower APR? Because, this letter on the extended credit thing say that good credit and on-time payments are what got me that cherry prize...

CSR: Yes. I'm checking your account...to be eligible for lower APRs you must have stayed within your credit limit and made regular on-time payments.

Me: Hmmm...Yeah. Sounds like me. Does it show how long I've had this card? I think it's been about four years...and, as far as I know, I've never gone over the limit...or paid late. But, I know for sure that my APR has gone up. It seems to me that the qualifiers for a credit line extension and lower APR are identical...and, I haven't really used this card in a while, so I don't really need more credit on it.

CSR: Yes ma'am. Well, I'm seeing that we don't have any offers right now for lower APRs, although we do put out promotions and you may be eligible for them when they come up.

Me: Ok. Yeah...right. Um, how often do these offers come up and how will I know when the promotion is happening?

CSR: Company will contact you and let you know when your eligible. We don't have any offers right now for lower APRs....

Me: Yes. I get it. Ok...well, I just thought I'd check. I figured I might be able to trade them out. You know? Take a lower credit limit in exchange for the lower APR? But, right...no offers. Thanks anyway.

So. That was it. I wasn't really thinking that I would get what I asked for...but, it didn't hurt too much to try. Obviously, the Company makes a butt-load of money off of my spending...and not paying off my bill...than they would if I had a lower APR and I STILL didn't use my card.

Anyway...it doesn't really matter. The Company giving me more money still won't get me to use the card...which is the idea.

I really, truly believe that credit card companies are evil...and not in the same way that Big Oil is evil...but rather, an entire section of hell is reserved for credit card companies. I pretty much equate them with drug dealers that hang out at playgrounds and offer toddlers "free samples"...

Ok...I'm gonna stop there. I'll leave Part II of the rant for the next time I'm up at 3 a.m. and drunk.

Just like to take a moment to give some props to those that deserve it:

1. Anna Nicole Smith - This bitch ain't no push-over. I thought it was pretty profound that the Supreme Court took her case to begin with...it's not like they've got a light docket or anything...but after I started reading into it, I realized it was really more a case of court jurisdiction than the fun drama that I had imagined it to be. Damn.

Either way, the SC unanimously agreed that she's legally entitled to fight for her right to parlay. And you know...here's my opinion (yeah...it's bound to come...)

If this guy's son was so great, why didn't his dad explicitly leave him all the money to begin with? It doesn't really seem like sound ethics run in the family and if the guy wanted to spend his money on floozies...well, that's his business. Sorry, son. On top of this, the child that bore the father's freakin' name wasn't even bequeathed a single penny.

So..yeah. More power to her. In fact, I'm "voicing" my support by sporting a klassy image of Anna Nicole on my computer's desktop.

2. Immigrant Boycott - Sure, my bananas were a little brown...and my taco craving went unsatisfied (which, ironically, came only after a lengthily class discussion about Mexican immigration...ok, that's not really ironic...but, what is, was my fruitless search for a taco stand that was open today...all the while going, "Huh. I wonder what's up....oh yeah...that's right.") But, I feel like it served it's purpose very well...the impact was noticeable.

3. Me - I officially submitted my Peace Corps application today. Really..I did. Eh...it only took a good seven years of sitting on my ass. Now what? Hmmm...I'll find out in the next month, I figure.

Well...that's the news. Til next time....