2.26.2006
I know what you're thinking.
Huh.
I just wanted to share something with you all. I've had this blog for about a year and half now, and in that time, I've kept a not-so-close watch on my site counter. Why?
Well...I'll tell you...mostly because the semi-hilarity of the keywords typed into a search engine that would lead an unsuspecting stranger to my blog. Please. See for yourself...here is a decently comprehensive list:
So, basically, somewhere...at sometime...in my blog, you will find all these words. I'm already very aware of my over-usage of song lyrics...but this is really just the icing on the cake.
I think my favorite one has to be the "mothers gone lesbo" search...mind you, this search was done without quotes encompassing the phrase, so you won't necessarily find the exact phrase "mothers gone lesbo" anywhere in my blog...in fact, let me take this opportunity to GUARANTEE that you will not find that here...
...but, due to my blog being selected six times when someone decided to search for "instead I poured the milk," this will result in my blog being pushed up higher in the rank of search results each and every time.
So...I'd like to thank you anonymous, amateur web surfers...for not only providing that facade of quantitative popularity that I've been craving my whole life, but also, for the sheer entertainment...
Thank you, indeed.
I just wanted to share something with you all. I've had this blog for about a year and half now, and in that time, I've kept a not-so-close watch on my site counter. Why?
Well...I'll tell you...mostly because the semi-hilarity of the keywords typed into a search engine that would lead an unsuspecting stranger to my blog. Please. See for yourself...here is a decently comprehensive list:
| 6 | "instead i poured the milk" | google.com |
| 1 | TOO POOR TO PAY BACK STUDENT LOANS | web.ask.com |
| 1 | mothers gone lesbo | search.msn.com |
| 1 | black girls les bo | search.msn.com |
| 1 | "instead I poured the milk" lyrics | google.com |
| 1 | "hot child in the city" "Joan Jett" "Nick Gilder" guilder gelder | google.com |
| 1 | austin's pizza | google.com |
| 1 | lesbo | myway.com |
| 1 | lyrics "instead i poured the milk" | google.com |
| 1 | "dress this way just to keep them at bay" | google.com |
| 1 | LESBO BLOG | search.msn.com |
| 1 | BBQ cooking cartoon images | search.msn.com |
| 1 | bbq things | search.msn.com |
| 1 | Lizzy Bordon | search.msn.com |
| 1 | lesbo | search.msn.com |
| 1 | lesbo | search.yahoo.com |
| 1 | "And instead I poured the milk" | google.com |
| 1 | alisha silverstone | search.msn.com |
| 1 | "me and cinderalla, we put it all together..." (lyrics) | search.msn.com |
| 1 | BBQ Food and Folk Songs | search.msn.com |
| 1 | "is a fine girl" lady life sea lyrics | google.com |
| 1 | honey combs cerel | search.msn.com |
| 1 | how to open a bbq rest | search.msn.com |
| 1 | bbq caters | search.msn.com |
| 1 | lesbo | google.com |
So, basically, somewhere...at sometime...in my blog, you will find all these words. I'm already very aware of my over-usage of song lyrics...but this is really just the icing on the cake.
I think my favorite one has to be the "mothers gone lesbo" search...mind you, this search was done without quotes encompassing the phrase, so you won't necessarily find the exact phrase "mothers gone lesbo" anywhere in my blog...in fact, let me take this opportunity to GUARANTEE that you will not find that here...
...but, due to my blog being selected six times when someone decided to search for "instead I poured the milk," this will result in my blog being pushed up higher in the rank of search results each and every time.
So...I'd like to thank you anonymous, amateur web surfers...for not only providing that facade of quantitative popularity that I've been craving my whole life, but also, for the sheer entertainment...
Thank you, indeed.
2.24.2006
Why am I short of attention? Got a short little span of attention.
Gah.
You know...I've been working on my Peace Corp application for several months now...and, what do I keep getting hung up on? The short, ridiculously easy essays.
Shit. If you've even been around me for the past two or more months, you've heard me mention them and my continual delay of getting shit together....
I keep having the lyrics to Cracker's "Teen Angst" go through my head...well, this song is a permanent resident in my head...as I know I've mentioned it here before..but it'd be fun to apply it to this situation...
Why do I want to join the Peace Corps?
Answer: Well, I don't know what the world may need, but I'm sure as hell that it starts with me. Because what the world needs now, is a new kind of tension, because the old one just bores me to death...and what the world needs now...is another folk singer...like I need a hole in my head...So...there. That pretty much covers it.
On top of this, I start..and start again...and then stop...and ramble...and get smart-ass-y...because, well, I am...and I can feel it when I'm writing even when I'm trying not to be.
My second essay asks me about my cultural sensitivity. And, well...I've been out of the country once and it mostly involved drinking lots of beer. I don't really think this means that I lack the ability to understand different cultures, but..it's what I got...so, i need to think of something else to say that will make up for my limited experiences.
I'm thinking about talking about how much I love Mexican food...my llama-wool, Ecuadorian knit-cap, and Paul Simon's worldly "Graceland" album...
Oh...it's true, you know...don't even get me started!
Ok. My exercise in stalling, yet ONCE AGAIN, should now come to an end.
Happy weekend to all.
You know...I've been working on my Peace Corp application for several months now...and, what do I keep getting hung up on? The short, ridiculously easy essays.
Shit. If you've even been around me for the past two or more months, you've heard me mention them and my continual delay of getting shit together....
I keep having the lyrics to Cracker's "Teen Angst" go through my head...well, this song is a permanent resident in my head...as I know I've mentioned it here before..but it'd be fun to apply it to this situation...
Why do I want to join the Peace Corps?
Answer: Well, I don't know what the world may need, but I'm sure as hell that it starts with me. Because what the world needs now, is a new kind of tension, because the old one just bores me to death...and what the world needs now...is another folk singer...like I need a hole in my head...So...there. That pretty much covers it.
On top of this, I start..and start again...and then stop...and ramble...and get smart-ass-y...because, well, I am...and I can feel it when I'm writing even when I'm trying not to be.
My second essay asks me about my cultural sensitivity. And, well...I've been out of the country once and it mostly involved drinking lots of beer. I don't really think this means that I lack the ability to understand different cultures, but..it's what I got...so, i need to think of something else to say that will make up for my limited experiences.
I'm thinking about talking about how much I love Mexican food...my llama-wool, Ecuadorian knit-cap, and Paul Simon's worldly "Graceland" album...
Oh...it's true, you know...don't even get me started!
Ok. My exercise in stalling, yet ONCE AGAIN, should now come to an end.
Happy weekend to all.
2.18.2006
I've got no reset for this game.
Do you ever have one of those days where you're convinced things are going to go one way...and then, in a single moment, everything changes?
Really?
Because I don't.
My changes are more gradual and I can generally see them coming...therefore, giving me time to plan and scheme my next move. Not that I take advantage of of this time to actually do anything...but, hey, if I ever needed it, it'd be there for me.
Take today, for example. I figured I'd be working ALL day...come home, go to sleep, and then wake up for a soccer game at 7 a.m. Well, as it turns out, the weather probably isn't going to allow for much soccer playing, so rather..I get to sleep in!
This is a concept. So...if I get to sleep in...that means that I don't have to be in bed early! Wait. IF I'm not being forced to rouse at such an early hour...that means I can stay up ALLLLLLL night....But, doing what? Well...drinking, of course!
Ok. That's pushing it. I'm not really planning on staying up all night. But, the yet-another-day-spent-yawning pressure is off...
But, honestly..I'm at a loss for what to do with my time right now. I'm too tired to use my brain OR body too much...but, too awake to let it go.
So...I've decided to become *cough*stolen*cough* inspired by my previous-post-mentioned link...and make a few lists of my own. SO. Here we go:
I can't seem to stop talking about my new job. This is a good thing. I like it. But, unfortunately, all of you blog readers are going to be subjected to repetitive themes here. My advice? Deal with it. And now, List 1...
Favorite phrases that I've heard on more than one occasion coming out of student's mouths that they don't think I hear:
-Look out! She's coming!
-Shiiiiit...I don't care what she do. (Yes. This EXACT same thing has been said more than once.)
-Naaawww...it's cool. Just keep it under the desk. She won't see it.
And of course....
Phrases 16-year-old-me NEVER would have believed could come out of my mouth....EVER:
-If I see it again, I'm taking it up. I've already told you twice.
-Do you reeeeallly think if you keep asking me the same question that I'm eventually going to change my answer to "yes?"
-Referrals really aren't that hard for me to write.
-You do realize you live in Austin, right? Not Compton...or Harlem...or any part of Detroit...including the suburbs...that's right Austin. Have you ever even been to a big city? AND...San Antonio doesn't count. <---ok. This is probably an exception. 16-year-old me would probably believe that 26-year-old me could say something like this.
So, why do I like my new job so much? Plain and simple...I get to boss people around AND be a smart-ass all at the same time! Who would've thought such a profession existed!?!? I guess this makes me look like kinda a hard ass...which, I figure I can be, but for the most part, if peeps are nice to me, I'm nice back. AND...the opposite holds true as well. I have no problem responding in Asshole-ese when addressed that way...
Well, it's worked so far...not that I'm banking on it too much....but, I like to take it one step at a time.
Really?
Because I don't.
My changes are more gradual and I can generally see them coming...therefore, giving me time to plan and scheme my next move. Not that I take advantage of of this time to actually do anything...but, hey, if I ever needed it, it'd be there for me.
Take today, for example. I figured I'd be working ALL day...come home, go to sleep, and then wake up for a soccer game at 7 a.m. Well, as it turns out, the weather probably isn't going to allow for much soccer playing, so rather..I get to sleep in!
This is a concept. So...if I get to sleep in...that means that I don't have to be in bed early! Wait. IF I'm not being forced to rouse at such an early hour...that means I can stay up ALLLLLLL night....But, doing what? Well...drinking, of course!
Ok. That's pushing it. I'm not really planning on staying up all night. But, the yet-another-day-spent-yawning pressure is off...
But, honestly..I'm at a loss for what to do with my time right now. I'm too tired to use my brain OR body too much...but, too awake to let it go.
So...I've decided to become *cough*stolen*cough* inspired by my previous-post-mentioned link...and make a few lists of my own. SO. Here we go:
I can't seem to stop talking about my new job. This is a good thing. I like it. But, unfortunately, all of you blog readers are going to be subjected to repetitive themes here. My advice? Deal with it. And now, List 1...
Favorite phrases that I've heard on more than one occasion coming out of student's mouths that they don't think I hear:
-Look out! She's coming!
-Shiiiiit...I don't care what she do. (Yes. This EXACT same thing has been said more than once.)
-Naaawww...it's cool. Just keep it under the desk. She won't see it.
And of course....
Phrases 16-year-old-me NEVER would have believed could come out of my mouth....EVER:
-If I see it again, I'm taking it up. I've already told you twice.
-Do you reeeeallly think if you keep asking me the same question that I'm eventually going to change my answer to "yes?"
-Referrals really aren't that hard for me to write.
-You do realize you live in Austin, right? Not Compton...or Harlem...or any part of Detroit...including the suburbs...that's right Austin. Have you ever even been to a big city? AND...San Antonio doesn't count. <---ok. This is probably an exception. 16-year-old me would probably believe that 26-year-old me could say something like this.
So, why do I like my new job so much? Plain and simple...I get to boss people around AND be a smart-ass all at the same time! Who would've thought such a profession existed!?!? I guess this makes me look like kinda a hard ass...which, I figure I can be, but for the most part, if peeps are nice to me, I'm nice back. AND...the opposite holds true as well. I have no problem responding in Asshole-ese when addressed that way...
Well, it's worked so far...not that I'm banking on it too much....but, I like to take it one step at a time.
2.13.2006
You draw blood...and I'll be sketchy...deal?
This morning, I went into a medical office to see if I could pass a screening test to be a guinea pig in exchange for having my wisdom teeth removed...
I hear it's not bad...but, I guess I'll see. The entire process took 4 freakin' hours and they ask a huge detailed gamut of questions...most of which I would answer one way and it would end up contradicting my answer to a previous question.
Nurse Lady: "Do you have any intestinal problems?"
Me: "No"
Nurse Lady: "Do you experience menstrual cramps?"
Me: "Not severely."
Nurse Lady: "Do you get headaches?"
Me: "No. Not from any unknown causes, anyway."
Nurse Lady: "Do you take any medication regularly?"
Me: "No"
Nurse Lady: "Have you taken any Tylenol, ibuprofen or aspirin in the past month?"
Me: "Ummmmmm..yes."
Lady: "Could you tell me how much and for what reason?"
Me: "Well, I took two Advil one day during my last menstrual cycle...and two last Saturday for a small headache that I had."
Lady: "So...what you're saying is that you DO get headaches and have menstrual cramps."
Me: "Well, yeah. I mean, they're pretty damn normal...and incredibly infrequent...so, I don't consider it a problem."
Lady: "But, regardless, you said you didn't have either."
Me: "I guess I just don't consider them as anything to think about...but, sure, I get the regular pains that most humans experience."
Lady: "Ok. Well, I need you to answer the questions as accurately as possible."
Me: "Right. I figure I can do that."
Details, people, details! There's a couple of things I forgot to mention about my medical history...maybe I should give her a call and report the following:
This one time when I was 12, I was at Astroworld and I drank 3 blue Icees, hastily scarfted down a funnel cake and some cotton candy in about 20 minutes...the line for the Viper was moving quick, and I was really excited about having my picture taken while we were flying through the loopty part...my friend and I thought we were SOOOOO funny, because we had planned to look like we were sleeping when the snapshot was taken...ANYWAY, after what was, up until that point, the RIDE OF MY LIFE!!!...I didn't feel so good...next thing I know, I'm bent over a trash can, blue chunks spewing out at speeds that rivaled the rollercoaster....man, that sucked.
But, I just wanted to make sure you knew that. I've always been worried that this could be a chronic condition...incurable, despite all advancements in medical science since 1991...what do you think?
Oh...oh! There's one more thing! Strong perfume makes me nauseous...especially when I'm in moving vehicles and/or poorly ventilated areas.
Hmmm...let's see...my entire body tends to hurt after I play soccer for 45 minutes straight..do you think that's anything to be concerned about?
Yeah. I know...I know...I don't need anyone to tell me that they're just doing their job. I wasn't really bothered by the questioning...it makes sense and all...
Also...What year are we in? It's 2006, right? Not 1972 or 41...or anything?
Ok. Sometimes I'm not sure.
One of the questions that I often find myself answering in most medical situations pertains to my sexual activity...you know, I won't go into details, but in this day and age...why OH WHY are we still presented with the yes/no...black/white...sexual activity questions?
My favorite line of questioning:
Are you sexually active? Sure...sometimes
If so, what form of birth control do you use? None (or sometimes I answer "abstinence")
Then I go in and meet with the nurse and this is how it ALWAYS goes:
Nurse: Ok. I see you answered here that you're sexually active, yet you don't use birth control. But, then in the "Do you think you may be pregnant?" question, you answered "Definitely no."
So, are you SURE you're not pregnant? Because, it's always a possibility...especially if you're using the rhythm method form of birth control.
Me: Yeah. I'm pretty sure...I just do my best to not sleep with men. Eliminates that pesky "pregnancy" thing. (but, when I slip up, I use the rhythm method...heard it's incredibly effective!...I kid...um, about BOTH parts of that statement.)
Nurse: "Oh. Right...Ok then."
I mean, is it that offensives to the sensitive conservatives to put a few more "untraditional" questions on survey? I'd save us all some time and confusion...and any possible uncomfortable situations.
Damn..ok, enough smart-assedness for today...well, 4 hours in a doctors office...being poked and prodded can do that to a person...
I hear it's not bad...but, I guess I'll see. The entire process took 4 freakin' hours and they ask a huge detailed gamut of questions...most of which I would answer one way and it would end up contradicting my answer to a previous question.
Nurse Lady: "Do you have any intestinal problems?"
Me: "No"
Nurse Lady: "Do you experience menstrual cramps?"
Me: "Not severely."
Nurse Lady: "Do you get headaches?"
Me: "No. Not from any unknown causes, anyway."
Nurse Lady: "Do you take any medication regularly?"
Me: "No"
Nurse Lady: "Have you taken any Tylenol, ibuprofen or aspirin in the past month?"
Me: "Ummmmmm..yes."
Lady: "Could you tell me how much and for what reason?"
Me: "Well, I took two Advil one day during my last menstrual cycle...and two last Saturday for a small headache that I had."
Lady: "So...what you're saying is that you DO get headaches and have menstrual cramps."
Me: "Well, yeah. I mean, they're pretty damn normal...and incredibly infrequent...so, I don't consider it a problem."
Lady: "But, regardless, you said you didn't have either."
Me: "I guess I just don't consider them as anything to think about...but, sure, I get the regular pains that most humans experience."
Lady: "Ok. Well, I need you to answer the questions as accurately as possible."
Me: "Right. I figure I can do that."
Details, people, details! There's a couple of things I forgot to mention about my medical history...maybe I should give her a call and report the following:
This one time when I was 12, I was at Astroworld and I drank 3 blue Icees, hastily scarfted down a funnel cake and some cotton candy in about 20 minutes...the line for the Viper was moving quick, and I was really excited about having my picture taken while we were flying through the loopty part...my friend and I thought we were SOOOOO funny, because we had planned to look like we were sleeping when the snapshot was taken...ANYWAY, after what was, up until that point, the RIDE OF MY LIFE!!!...I didn't feel so good...next thing I know, I'm bent over a trash can, blue chunks spewing out at speeds that rivaled the rollercoaster....man, that sucked.
But, I just wanted to make sure you knew that. I've always been worried that this could be a chronic condition...incurable, despite all advancements in medical science since 1991...what do you think?
Oh...oh! There's one more thing! Strong perfume makes me nauseous...especially when I'm in moving vehicles and/or poorly ventilated areas.
Hmmm...let's see...my entire body tends to hurt after I play soccer for 45 minutes straight..do you think that's anything to be concerned about?
Yeah. I know...I know...I don't need anyone to tell me that they're just doing their job. I wasn't really bothered by the questioning...it makes sense and all...
Also...What year are we in? It's 2006, right? Not 1972 or 41...or anything?
Ok. Sometimes I'm not sure.
One of the questions that I often find myself answering in most medical situations pertains to my sexual activity...you know, I won't go into details, but in this day and age...why OH WHY are we still presented with the yes/no...black/white...sexual activity questions?
My favorite line of questioning:
Are you sexually active? Sure...sometimes
If so, what form of birth control do you use? None (or sometimes I answer "abstinence")
Then I go in and meet with the nurse and this is how it ALWAYS goes:
Nurse: Ok. I see you answered here that you're sexually active, yet you don't use birth control. But, then in the "Do you think you may be pregnant?" question, you answered "Definitely no."
So, are you SURE you're not pregnant? Because, it's always a possibility...especially if you're using the rhythm method form of birth control.
Me: Yeah. I'm pretty sure...I just do my best to not sleep with men. Eliminates that pesky "pregnancy" thing. (but, when I slip up, I use the rhythm method...heard it's incredibly effective!...I kid...um, about BOTH parts of that statement.)
Nurse: "Oh. Right...Ok then."
I mean, is it that offensives to the sensitive conservatives to put a few more "untraditional" questions on survey? I'd save us all some time and confusion...and any possible uncomfortable situations.
Damn..ok, enough smart-assedness for today...well, 4 hours in a doctors office...being poked and prodded can do that to a person...
2.12.2006
I have nothing to say.
Wait! Don't leave yet!
I have a link:
Timothy McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Lists
I have not laughed out loud, by myself, over something that I've read EVER...
Ok. I'm lying...but, let's pretend that I'm not, for a second, and take my advice seriously.
You really want to read the contents of these lists. They are, how-do-you-say....earth-shattering?
Yes. That's what I mean.
Wait! Don't leave yet!
I have a link:
Timothy McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Lists
I have not laughed out loud, by myself, over something that I've read EVER...
Ok. I'm lying...but, let's pretend that I'm not, for a second, and take my advice seriously.
You really want to read the contents of these lists. They are, how-do-you-say....earth-shattering?
Yes. That's what I mean.
2.10.2006
It was all just so bright and flashy...and then next thing I know, it's over.
Look out! I'm livin' life on the edge.
That's right. I'm bad...soooo bad.
Sure, my brushes with the law may be limited, but like James Frey, it'll take Oprah to tell me that they're not significant enough to make awesome stories...
Tonight, after my fourteenth hour of work, I got in my truck...dreaming of beer and sitting...so my downtown exodus began. But first...to the bank! I made it to the bank and deposited my evening's wages...
Not very exciting. So, I'm going home...normal route, up the Cow street...turn on to 15th...but wait...what's that behind me? Flashing lights? I'm being pulled over?
So...of course, I immediately pulled to the right while simultaneously going over in my head all the possible reasons I was being stopped...lights *check*...speeding *um, no*...tail light out *pretty sure not*...ok...he's coming to my window, so I'll find out.
Officer: "Good evening, ma'am. Do you know why I pulled you over?"
Me: "Ummm...no, actually. Was I speeding or something?"
Officer: "No...you failed to signal a lane change back there. Did you know that?"
Me: "Uh...yeah. I think. Which time?" (I had gone from the far left lane into the far right lane on a 4 lane road)
Officer: "Well, you signaled when you switched into the middle lane, but then didn't signal when you moved into the far right lane. And then, you did signal when you turned onto 15th street."
OH MY FUCKING GOD! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!
Me: "Right. Of course. You know, I actually mentally noted that. Because I'm usually pretty anal about using my blinker...you know?"
Officer: "Yes ma'am. Well, I'm just going to issue you a warning tonight, ok?"
Ok. During the time that he was writing me my completely meaningless slap-on-the-wrist WARNING! I was trying to figure out the REAL reason he was pulling me over...
Was it because I'm black? Because I'm not. Maybe I was swerving or something...I am pretty tired....ahhhhh...after thinking about where I had "offended"..I got it. I had made my mistake right in front of one of APD's targeted DWI bars. I had read about this in the paper not but a fortnight ago...
So, I was also a bit agitated about the whole thing...I knew it was a big pile of bullshit...so, I was trying to come up with a non-antagonizing line of questions for Mr. Officer.
When he came back to my window to have me sign my warning...I began MY investigation.
Me: "So...I'm not trying to pick a fight with you or anything, but I drive around A LOT, mostly for work with delivering and stuff, and most of the time I feel like I'm the only one in the entire city that even bothers to signal lane changes. Basically, what I'm wondering, is this a routine stop or was this an intended sobriety check?"
Officer: "Well, ma'am...we're APD's DWI Task Force Unit and we're out here to make sure that you get home safely. And, when you signaled the first lane change, you signaled left and then moved right. And then you moved right again, but this time, with no signal.
Me: "Really? I don't remember doing that. I think if I used my left signal and then moved right, my signal would still be on...or else I probably would remember having to turn it off...I'm just not sure, but whatever, I'm tired...so maybe...anyway, I was just wondering...
Yeah. That's where it ended. I walked away with a demerit, uh, I mean a warning...and he walked away with the satisfaction of making a completely frivolous traffic stop...oh, and did I mention that I also made a quick wipe to my brow because I wasn't intoxicated?
So...that's my top story of the day. Well, I also subed for a high school Math position today and the high point of that job was the 2 hour school lock-down while the PD checked out the morning's bomb threat....Woooo! A whole two hours with a bunch of antsy 15 yr olds! And I forgot to mention that I haven't even as much as looked at Geometry since I was IN 10th grade...but, thank God I'm a good temporary bullshitter.
Oh, dear...I need some sleep.
That's right. I'm bad...soooo bad.
Sure, my brushes with the law may be limited, but like James Frey, it'll take Oprah to tell me that they're not significant enough to make awesome stories...
Tonight, after my fourteenth hour of work, I got in my truck...dreaming of beer and sitting...so my downtown exodus began. But first...to the bank! I made it to the bank and deposited my evening's wages...
Not very exciting. So, I'm going home...normal route, up the Cow street...turn on to 15th...but wait...what's that behind me? Flashing lights? I'm being pulled over?
So...of course, I immediately pulled to the right while simultaneously going over in my head all the possible reasons I was being stopped...lights *check*...speeding *um, no*...tail light out *pretty sure not*...ok...he's coming to my window, so I'll find out.
Officer: "Good evening, ma'am. Do you know why I pulled you over?"
Me: "Ummm...no, actually. Was I speeding or something?"
Officer: "No...you failed to signal a lane change back there. Did you know that?"
Me: "Uh...yeah. I think. Which time?" (I had gone from the far left lane into the far right lane on a 4 lane road)
Officer: "Well, you signaled when you switched into the middle lane, but then didn't signal when you moved into the far right lane. And then, you did signal when you turned onto 15th street."
OH MY FUCKING GOD! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!
Me: "Right. Of course. You know, I actually mentally noted that. Because I'm usually pretty anal about using my blinker...you know?"
Officer: "Yes ma'am. Well, I'm just going to issue you a warning tonight, ok?"
Ok. During the time that he was writing me my completely meaningless slap-on-the-wrist WARNING! I was trying to figure out the REAL reason he was pulling me over...
Was it because I'm black? Because I'm not. Maybe I was swerving or something...I am pretty tired....ahhhhh...after thinking about where I had "offended"..I got it. I had made my mistake right in front of one of APD's targeted DWI bars. I had read about this in the paper not but a fortnight ago...
So, I was also a bit agitated about the whole thing...I knew it was a big pile of bullshit...so, I was trying to come up with a non-antagonizing line of questions for Mr. Officer.
When he came back to my window to have me sign my warning...I began MY investigation.
Me: "So...I'm not trying to pick a fight with you or anything, but I drive around A LOT, mostly for work with delivering and stuff, and most of the time I feel like I'm the only one in the entire city that even bothers to signal lane changes. Basically, what I'm wondering, is this a routine stop or was this an intended sobriety check?"
Officer: "Well, ma'am...we're APD's DWI Task Force Unit and we're out here to make sure that you get home safely. And, when you signaled the first lane change, you signaled left and then moved right. And then you moved right again, but this time, with no signal.
Me: "Really? I don't remember doing that. I think if I used my left signal and then moved right, my signal would still be on...or else I probably would remember having to turn it off...I'm just not sure, but whatever, I'm tired...so maybe...anyway, I was just wondering...
Yeah. That's where it ended. I walked away with a demerit, uh, I mean a warning...and he walked away with the satisfaction of making a completely frivolous traffic stop...oh, and did I mention that I also made a quick wipe to my brow because I wasn't intoxicated?
So...that's my top story of the day. Well, I also subed for a high school Math position today and the high point of that job was the 2 hour school lock-down while the PD checked out the morning's bomb threat....Woooo! A whole two hours with a bunch of antsy 15 yr olds! And I forgot to mention that I haven't even as much as looked at Geometry since I was IN 10th grade...but, thank God I'm a good temporary bullshitter.
Oh, dear...I need some sleep.
Whatev.
Yeah...I wonder where I go sometimes too.
But, when it comes down to it, if I wrote shit on here, it would just be a bunch of school stories...so, replace my *oh-so-exciting* delivery driver stories...insert children in the place of customers...pencils for pizzas...and, um, the school bell for the constant repetition of "I Want Candy" in my head...and you'll have my new life!
Although, I honestly think Bow Wow Wow has settled down and made it's home in my brain...I'm sure I'll never be able to shake that one.
So, yeah. I worked with elementary school kids for the first time today..and, as expected, they were a completely different breed from the human teenager.
I think I like the teenagers because I don't really feel all that different from them...in a sense, I think it's why I have such a hard time leaving my food-service world. In this world, I go into work...in my comfy, baggy, not-so-flattering jeans...clock in, nod a "Sup, G..." to my manager, grab a Fanta for breakfast and proceed to the kitchen where I start my morning with a nice dose of loud Nirvana/Sonic Youth mix and begin the vegi-cheese-prep trance...........
Sometimes I think high schoolers would actually pay attention more if they were accustomed to hearing "their" music while they were in school....of course, their music would bug the living shit out of me...but, I'd get used to it. And, there's always a song or two that comes around that I just can't help but pick up and put into my mental jukebox (that's right, put your pom-poms down, gettin' everybody fired up..ooooooowwhoo...this my shit!)...but then again, there some kids who can't get their shit done with even a slight amount of noise around them.
I'm quite the opposite. I do my best reading at bars...take naps in noisy hallways...anyway...
Oh. And one more thing about the high schoolers...and then I'll stop...I'm getting made fun of by the SAME kids that I used to get made fun of by when I was IN high school! They wear the same freakin' clothes, same hair cuts and same sarcastic insults:
Kid (smirking, surrounded by friends trying to cover up their laughing): "Hey. I really like your outfit...where'd you get it? I'm going to ask my mom to buy me the exact same thing."
I've already heard that!!! Well, it just kinda confused me back then...why did they even bother?...as it does now...only, these days, it's much easier to laugh AT these kids.
That's about it. Nothing else has been going on in my life. Well, except that I got a new roommate. She seems pretty cool so far...of course, she's twenty...and, in the first night she stayed her, I was woken up by a muffled argument between her and the boyfriend. BUT...she's really friendly, likes my cats and isn't too demanding when it comes to her living space. So, I have faith.
So...yeah...really...THAT'S it. Look for another post from me sometime next eight to seventeen days...because, that's about as frequently as my brain's functioning these days.
But, when it comes down to it, if I wrote shit on here, it would just be a bunch of school stories...so, replace my *oh-so-exciting* delivery driver stories...insert children in the place of customers...pencils for pizzas...and, um, the school bell for the constant repetition of "I Want Candy" in my head...and you'll have my new life!
Although, I honestly think Bow Wow Wow has settled down and made it's home in my brain...I'm sure I'll never be able to shake that one.
So, yeah. I worked with elementary school kids for the first time today..and, as expected, they were a completely different breed from the human teenager.
I think I like the teenagers because I don't really feel all that different from them...in a sense, I think it's why I have such a hard time leaving my food-service world. In this world, I go into work...in my comfy, baggy, not-so-flattering jeans...clock in, nod a "Sup, G..." to my manager, grab a Fanta for breakfast and proceed to the kitchen where I start my morning with a nice dose of loud Nirvana/Sonic Youth mix and begin the vegi-cheese-prep trance...........
Sometimes I think high schoolers would actually pay attention more if they were accustomed to hearing "their" music while they were in school....of course, their music would bug the living shit out of me...but, I'd get used to it. And, there's always a song or two that comes around that I just can't help but pick up and put into my mental jukebox (that's right, put your pom-poms down, gettin' everybody fired up..ooooooowwhoo...this my shit!)...but then again, there some kids who can't get their shit done with even a slight amount of noise around them.
I'm quite the opposite. I do my best reading at bars...take naps in noisy hallways...anyway...
Oh. And one more thing about the high schoolers...and then I'll stop...I'm getting made fun of by the SAME kids that I used to get made fun of by when I was IN high school! They wear the same freakin' clothes, same hair cuts and same sarcastic insults:
Kid (smirking, surrounded by friends trying to cover up their laughing): "Hey. I really like your outfit...where'd you get it? I'm going to ask my mom to buy me the exact same thing."
I've already heard that!!! Well, it just kinda confused me back then...why did they even bother?...as it does now...only, these days, it's much easier to laugh AT these kids.
That's about it. Nothing else has been going on in my life. Well, except that I got a new roommate. She seems pretty cool so far...of course, she's twenty...and, in the first night she stayed her, I was woken up by a muffled argument between her and the boyfriend. BUT...she's really friendly, likes my cats and isn't too demanding when it comes to her living space. So, I have faith.
So...yeah...really...THAT'S it. Look for another post from me sometime next eight to seventeen days...because, that's about as frequently as my brain's functioning these days.
2.04.2006
Some of them lose...and some of them lose.
A weird day indeed.
First off...I'd like to apologize to the city of New Bedford. After calming down, I came to terms with the freak issue at hand. I know that the fuck-up that did that shit has nothing to do with the city...he's merely a freak asswhipe.
Today was one of my first days not "working" in a while. You see, it seems that if I'm not getting paid to be somewhere, I've made some kind of commitment to someone to be somewhere for something...and today, I've done nothing.
And, strangely, I didn't plan this...as of earlier this week, I figured I'd be teaching today. But, as it turns out, today was an inservice day...so, no school. And...no need for people like me...meaning, I wasn't committed to a meeting that's going to learn me anything...I had no parents to conference with...no lessons to plan...you know...nothing.
So, most of my day was spent doing nothing. I ended up taking my mother to her doctors appointment..and then, in a passing discussion, I told her about how my ex-girlfriend was moving to Seattle this week (um, Mom doesn't know the specification of ex and I's relationship...but, Mom does like the ex considerably)...and then, next thing I know, I'm having the lunch with ex and Mom.
Lunch was pretty standard...up until the point when ex mentioned that she was moving to Seattle with her "boyfriend". When Mom asked what boyfriend's name was, I couldn't help but snicker when Ex answered "Uh...Terry. Yes. Terry got a job and he's quite happy with the idea of moving. In fact, we're quite happy."
Momentary blank look to Ex...glance to Mom...and then back to Ex...before the uncontrollable grin appears on my face *Imagine a junior high smile...for example, you or someone you know has just farted...or thrown a pencil perfectly straight into the ceiling tile...or a shoe's rubber sole has made a squeaky noise up against the under-desk-book holder...Yeah. It was that kinda grin.*
Um..somehow, Ex finished the anecdote without stumbling...if you haven't figured it out yet, Terry's a "she" not a "he"...in my opinion, it was a lost cause...so, rather than make it an issue, I just laughed.
Despite my cheeky lunchtime attitude, Ex still invited me out for her going away party...happy hour drinks and a nightcap out for sume kuntry western dancin.
I had a great time...early on, it was just beer at da pub. And, as much as I have past feelings for Ex..I could've ended it there...the group was going on to another bar.
Honestly, in the most selfish way possible...I only continued with the rest of the evening because I thought there might be a slight chance of running into a girl that I have crush on...a stupid, juvenile crush that's lasted about a year, plus...it's just that she's so ridiculously cute...and so stupid older than me that a chances of her "considering" me is pretty much out of the question..but, the thought of talking to her kept me going...
While imbibing Lone Star beer, I, of course, became reflective...relationships...substance use/abuse...chances presented...passed up...taken...life's twisted road...beer...
And...I, as I sat there, fingers twiddling...having heard crushed-upon-girl's remark about being "smitten" by a text-messaging stranger...somehow...I drifted into a mental aside...images of her and soon-to-be-wifey planting a flower bed in their allotted 50ft sq feet of suburban backyard...clipping coupons and discussing the merits of the local public schools entered my head....anyway...I shivered...I couldn't bring myself to pass up the opportunity of asking her to dance...Texas style.
Ok. Let me tell you. I'm not smoooooth...by anyone's standard. My dialogue pretty much consisted of "Uhh...hey. How much do you know how to dance like that?"... awkwardly pointing at the dance floor...
Girl: "...a little bit...I've done it before, but I'm by no means an expert."
Me: "Well, shit...it looks like they're having fun...and I'd like to dance...so, would you dance with me, and maybe, lead too?"
Girl: "Definitely. Let's go."
So, that was pretty much it. I was swept out onto the honky-tonk dance floor...both of my left feet stepping on hers...making *witty* comments about our fellow dancers and their Texas-proud attire...my dis-rythym taking hold...washboard/slide-guitar melodies cleansing the embarrassment that was our groove...
It was a hell-of-a-lot-of-fun...and, even though afterwards she talked about the girl she was dating...I still felt really awesome...overall, even when I evaluate the entire day, I'm not sure why...but, I did find it strange that, although she hadn't seen me in a year, she seemed to remember one of my trivial delivery stories...so, after 8 years of doing what I've been doing...I guess all I can say for myself is that I've learned to tell a good sotry...
I wouldn't let go of my *high* feeling...I stopped by the Sleven on the way home..I had a discussion with the clerk, and subsequently, a fellow customer (who had left his car running in the parking lot)...about how my car had been stolen...in front of my goddamn face...because I had left the keys in the ignition...and, by the way, it WASN'T covered by insurance because, if you didn't know, it's illegal to leave your keys in the car....he, um sincerely, said that this information would significantly change his behavior...yeah right. Let it happen...just let it fucking happen...
Goddamn.......are you going to let it happen?!?!
First off...I'd like to apologize to the city of New Bedford. After calming down, I came to terms with the freak issue at hand. I know that the fuck-up that did that shit has nothing to do with the city...he's merely a freak asswhipe.
Today was one of my first days not "working" in a while. You see, it seems that if I'm not getting paid to be somewhere, I've made some kind of commitment to someone to be somewhere for something...and today, I've done nothing.
And, strangely, I didn't plan this...as of earlier this week, I figured I'd be teaching today. But, as it turns out, today was an inservice day...so, no school. And...no need for people like me...meaning, I wasn't committed to a meeting that's going to learn me anything...I had no parents to conference with...no lessons to plan...you know...nothing.
So, most of my day was spent doing nothing. I ended up taking my mother to her doctors appointment..and then, in a passing discussion, I told her about how my ex-girlfriend was moving to Seattle this week (um, Mom doesn't know the specification of ex and I's relationship...but, Mom does like the ex considerably)...and then, next thing I know, I'm having the lunch with ex and Mom.
Lunch was pretty standard...up until the point when ex mentioned that she was moving to Seattle with her "boyfriend". When Mom asked what boyfriend's name was, I couldn't help but snicker when Ex answered "Uh...Terry. Yes. Terry got a job and he's quite happy with the idea of moving. In fact, we're quite happy."
Momentary blank look to Ex...glance to Mom...and then back to Ex...before the uncontrollable grin appears on my face *Imagine a junior high smile...for example, you or someone you know has just farted...or thrown a pencil perfectly straight into the ceiling tile...or a shoe's rubber sole has made a squeaky noise up against the under-desk-book holder...Yeah. It was that kinda grin.*
Um..somehow, Ex finished the anecdote without stumbling...if you haven't figured it out yet, Terry's a "she" not a "he"...in my opinion, it was a lost cause...so, rather than make it an issue, I just laughed.
Despite my cheeky lunchtime attitude, Ex still invited me out for her going away party...happy hour drinks and a nightcap out for sume kuntry western dancin.
I had a great time...early on, it was just beer at da pub. And, as much as I have past feelings for Ex..I could've ended it there...the group was going on to another bar.
Honestly, in the most selfish way possible...I only continued with the rest of the evening because I thought there might be a slight chance of running into a girl that I have crush on...a stupid, juvenile crush that's lasted about a year, plus...it's just that she's so ridiculously cute...and so stupid older than me that a chances of her "considering" me is pretty much out of the question..but, the thought of talking to her kept me going...
While imbibing Lone Star beer, I, of course, became reflective...relationships...substance use/abuse...chances presented...passed up...taken...life's twisted road...beer...
And...I, as I sat there, fingers twiddling...having heard crushed-upon-girl's remark about being "smitten" by a text-messaging stranger...somehow...I drifted into a mental aside...images of her and soon-to-be-wifey planting a flower bed in their allotted 50ft sq feet of suburban backyard...clipping coupons and discussing the merits of the local public schools entered my head....anyway...I shivered...I couldn't bring myself to pass up the opportunity of asking her to dance...Texas style.
Ok. Let me tell you. I'm not smoooooth...by anyone's standard. My dialogue pretty much consisted of "Uhh...hey. How much do you know how to dance like that?"... awkwardly pointing at the dance floor...
Girl: "...a little bit...I've done it before, but I'm by no means an expert."
Me: "Well, shit...it looks like they're having fun...and I'd like to dance...so, would you dance with me, and maybe, lead too?"
Girl: "Definitely. Let's go."
So, that was pretty much it. I was swept out onto the honky-tonk dance floor...both of my left feet stepping on hers...making *witty* comments about our fellow dancers and their Texas-proud attire...my dis-rythym taking hold...washboard/slide-guitar melodies cleansing the embarrassment that was our groove...
It was a hell-of-a-lot-of-fun...and, even though afterwards she talked about the girl she was dating...I still felt really awesome...overall, even when I evaluate the entire day, I'm not sure why...but, I did find it strange that, although she hadn't seen me in a year, she seemed to remember one of my trivial delivery stories...so, after 8 years of doing what I've been doing...I guess all I can say for myself is that I've learned to tell a good sotry...
I wouldn't let go of my *high* feeling...I stopped by the Sleven on the way home..I had a discussion with the clerk, and subsequently, a fellow customer (who had left his car running in the parking lot)...about how my car had been stolen...in front of my goddamn face...because I had left the keys in the ignition...and, by the way, it WASN'T covered by insurance because, if you didn't know, it's illegal to leave your keys in the car....he, um sincerely, said that this information would significantly change his behavior...yeah right. Let it happen...just let it fucking happen...
Goddamn.......are you going to let it happen?!?!
2.02.2006
So, I just stumbled up on this news story:
Suspect Sought in New Bedford Bar Shooting
This story hits a little close to home, because that's where I was staying this past summer. New Bedford is hardly the bustling city it used to be...I'd say it's actually pretty depressing. It's filled with projects and drug addicts that are pushed out of Boston to find cheaper living...it's even more sad, because along side of the social nastiness, there's a good deal of history about a city that used to be full of economic and cultural activity.
....and if my grandfather were still alive and working, he'd likely be the judge to hear this case when it comes to trial..that is, if the ever catch this guy (which, I'm sure they will...because he doesn't sound like he's intelligent enough to come up with a fool-proof murder plan...)
Every time I ended up in downtown New Bedford, the line from Morrissey's "Everyday is Like Sunday" went through my head...this is the seaside town that they forgot to bomb...come Armageddon, come...
Even the kids that I worked along side of at the restaurant felt that they were beginning a life of despair...being trapped, with no way out, in a city that offered very few opportunities for rewarding careers or social activities beyond getting high and, apparently, assaulting gay people.
In general, I found that the east coast was not a liberal as most people make it out to be...I got more of a "live and let live" feeling out of my whole experience...most people seemed to follow traditional gender roles and careers and ideologies about their lives, but didn't really seem to care so much about what other people should be doing. And, in my opinion, if all of American had this attitude, we'd all be a lot happier.
And, when I was there, I was breaking a bit of a traditional gender role...I was really the only female cook that worked in the kitchen during peak times...if I had to guess, I'd say it took about a month to get the other guys to give me any respect. I had several ask me what I thought I was doing back in the kitchen and why I wasn't out on the floor with the rest of the girls...and, honestly, when I was looking for a job, that's what I was hoping to do! But, the owner didn't have a place for me, and I told him I'd do anything that'd bring me a paycheck.
About half-way into the season, I told the head chef...in the context of a discussion we were having...that I was gay. He didn't give any out-of-the-ordinary reaction...he was just like, "Oh...that's cool."
I wasn't expecting any reaction...or, really, anything at all...but, next thing I know, I was enduring plenty of snickers and jokes from the other kitchen guys. Whatev. Their jokes were far from insulting because they were so juvenile coming out of the mouth of 27 year-olds....it was easy enough to just role my eyes...I mean, if you're going to try to get to me, you have to be a lot more snappy than "So..Mel..whhhaa's ya gurlfriend?" How exactly is that funny? I don't know..but they all seem to get a 7th grade kick out of it.
Anyway, I was trying to get to the point of saying...it doesn't surprise me that much that something like this happened in New Bedford. After they get of high school...if they even graduate, which many don't...most of them realize that they're stuck in a dead-end town and get pretty angsty. And when adults get angsty, many tend to blame other people...and then some even like to take action on their perceived oppressors...
It escapes me beyond words why anyone would want to physically hurt another person based solely on sexual preference. Then again, I'm not the type to physically want to hurt people in general...the exception being for anyone who may personally harm me or someone I care about...and, luckily, this doesn't come around very often.
But, I'm lucky...I have an education...and I knew my stay in the New Bedford area was temporary. I actually had a couple of opportunities to stay up there. Two of the women I worked with at the restaurant offered me a cheap place to live. I could've stayed at the restaurant indefinitely...my boss ended up liking me o.k. (after his outspoken initial doubts...not much different from the rest of the guys)...and it would've been a quick ticket out of Austin.
It was just the feeling I got from that area that didn't settle well with me. I would've been hard pressed to find anyone that I shared any similar interests with (e.g.-anything besides drug use)...in fact, I didn't meet anyone that I was interested in being friends with the entire time I was there (I mean in New Bedford area, QP was the sole exception and she's a Connecticuteer)...
So, there we have it. Depressing news from a depressing city.
Suspect Sought in New Bedford Bar Shooting
This story hits a little close to home, because that's where I was staying this past summer. New Bedford is hardly the bustling city it used to be...I'd say it's actually pretty depressing. It's filled with projects and drug addicts that are pushed out of Boston to find cheaper living...it's even more sad, because along side of the social nastiness, there's a good deal of history about a city that used to be full of economic and cultural activity.
....and if my grandfather were still alive and working, he'd likely be the judge to hear this case when it comes to trial..that is, if the ever catch this guy (which, I'm sure they will...because he doesn't sound like he's intelligent enough to come up with a fool-proof murder plan...)
Every time I ended up in downtown New Bedford, the line from Morrissey's "Everyday is Like Sunday" went through my head...this is the seaside town that they forgot to bomb...come Armageddon, come...
Even the kids that I worked along side of at the restaurant felt that they were beginning a life of despair...being trapped, with no way out, in a city that offered very few opportunities for rewarding careers or social activities beyond getting high and, apparently, assaulting gay people.
In general, I found that the east coast was not a liberal as most people make it out to be...I got more of a "live and let live" feeling out of my whole experience...most people seemed to follow traditional gender roles and careers and ideologies about their lives, but didn't really seem to care so much about what other people should be doing. And, in my opinion, if all of American had this attitude, we'd all be a lot happier.
And, when I was there, I was breaking a bit of a traditional gender role...I was really the only female cook that worked in the kitchen during peak times...if I had to guess, I'd say it took about a month to get the other guys to give me any respect. I had several ask me what I thought I was doing back in the kitchen and why I wasn't out on the floor with the rest of the girls...and, honestly, when I was looking for a job, that's what I was hoping to do! But, the owner didn't have a place for me, and I told him I'd do anything that'd bring me a paycheck.
About half-way into the season, I told the head chef...in the context of a discussion we were having...that I was gay. He didn't give any out-of-the-ordinary reaction...he was just like, "Oh...that's cool."
I wasn't expecting any reaction...or, really, anything at all...but, next thing I know, I was enduring plenty of snickers and jokes from the other kitchen guys. Whatev. Their jokes were far from insulting because they were so juvenile coming out of the mouth of 27 year-olds....it was easy enough to just role my eyes...I mean, if you're going to try to get to me, you have to be a lot more snappy than "So..Mel..whhhaa's ya gurlfriend?" How exactly is that funny? I don't know..but they all seem to get a 7th grade kick out of it.
Anyway, I was trying to get to the point of saying...it doesn't surprise me that much that something like this happened in New Bedford. After they get of high school...if they even graduate, which many don't...most of them realize that they're stuck in a dead-end town and get pretty angsty. And when adults get angsty, many tend to blame other people...and then some even like to take action on their perceived oppressors...
It escapes me beyond words why anyone would want to physically hurt another person based solely on sexual preference. Then again, I'm not the type to physically want to hurt people in general...the exception being for anyone who may personally harm me or someone I care about...and, luckily, this doesn't come around very often.
But, I'm lucky...I have an education...and I knew my stay in the New Bedford area was temporary. I actually had a couple of opportunities to stay up there. Two of the women I worked with at the restaurant offered me a cheap place to live. I could've stayed at the restaurant indefinitely...my boss ended up liking me o.k. (after his outspoken initial doubts...not much different from the rest of the guys)...and it would've been a quick ticket out of Austin.
It was just the feeling I got from that area that didn't settle well with me. I would've been hard pressed to find anyone that I shared any similar interests with (e.g.-anything besides drug use)...in fact, I didn't meet anyone that I was interested in being friends with the entire time I was there (I mean in New Bedford area, QP was the sole exception and she's a Connecticuteer)...
So, there we have it. Depressing news from a depressing city.
