Austin's Lesbo BBQ

I'm not the one that's so absurd! Sorry, I've had that song stuck in my head for the past week..ee bop ee bop bop...

Today, I've been thinking about the past year...kinda like one might do on New Year's Eve, only it's Halloween and more evil. Ok. Not really...but, one year ago I moved into the house that I currently live in, broke up with my girlfriend of 2+ years and made some all-around changes.

All in all, I've had a great year. I've done so much fun stuff and made some more fun changes that all contributed to a happier me. So much better than two years before this one...not that I was incredibly miserable or anything, but I do remember TRYING to have fun last Halloween...going out to parties and hanging out with friends...and even attempting to smile was serious a effort...just to keep people from asking me what was wrong.

It's so weird...I wasn't able to see how unhappy I was until I made these changes for myself...then I started realizing that the real me was happy, not depressed all the time. I wasn't sick...I didn't need medication...I needed to fucking do something for myself!

SO...there's my thoughts on the past year in a nutshell...as for today, it's Halloween! How fun..but, as I stated earlier, I'm not too into the whole thing. I have a very minimal costume to display while I deliver pizzas this evening. Then I believe I've been talked into going to the bar to close out the night...I don't know, I love my bar, but not when it's super crowded with a bunch of makuped and masked people.

We'll see...

I have lots o' fun rants running through my head today...where should I start? Ok. How about here:

Morrissey...oh Morrissey...why did ye cancel thy show for this evening? You don't know? Oh wait...I can tell you. Because you're an illogical self-righteous limey...damnit! I'm so distraught right now because I found out that Mr. Stephen Patrick cancelled his tour dates in Texas because he refuses to play in a state that supports Bush. Rock on, political brother...but just think about what you're doing for a second. Does it really make any sense? So...I've spent many years being a Morrissey/Smiths fan...I think just about 13 or so. This pissed me off so much that I'm having a really hard time deciding whether I should support him with my loyalty any longer. I guess his smug attitude doesn't come off as well in person as it does in his music.

More illogicalness --> Two bumper stickers I've seen in the past three days: 1. "If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you can read this in English, thank a soldier." 2. "If Mary had been pro-choice, we wouldn't have Christmas"

These stickers bothered me so much, that I personally wanted to stop these people and have them explain the logic to me.

In reference to the first one: Are you implying that English is a superior language to the thousands of other languages in the world? And would I really care what language I spoke if it were my native language? So, no...I won't thank a soldier for my language...other things, maybe...but not because I speak English.

As for the second one...do I even need to start? So...this sticker is saying "Mary totally would've aborted Jesus if she had the choice...and then where would we be? No presents for Billy this December!" Does the Bible say that somewhere? Oh...it must be somewhere towards the back.

To both of these people: You are dumb.

Something that made me laugh: The management at work posted a sign recently describing the companies sexual harassment policies. Yes, yes...I know this is serious...but this was just too fun. One of my fellow employees decided to modify the title of the bulletin with some saucy punctuation...the product was as follows: "SEXUAL HARASSMENT IS ILLEGAL?!?". It may not be as funny here, but seeing a very serious statement in big bold red letters being mocked made me crack up.

On the up side, this may free up time to possibly hang out with...yes...the bartender. I keep forgetting that Halloween is on Sunday...mostly because I just don't care. I wish I would get excited about this holiday, but as an adult, it just seems to be a good excuse to dress slutty and hit on/sleep with people that you'd normally be more cautious around...and then using the "well, I just wasn't myself last night...I mean, it was Halloween" bit to explain it the next day.

Again! Does the cynicism ever stop? Not around here!

To all you people out there that are like me and enjoy information no matter how useless:

http://www.nal.usda.gov/fnic/foodcomp/search/

I started off my search with a quest to find out if there is any nutritional content in those nasty cheesy crackers. I think this was prompted by a momentary flashback of being in high school and making out with a guy who constantly tasted and smelled like these things. Needless to say, I have since avoided eating cheese nips...or whatever they're called.

Ok. I'm off to do domestic fun stuff...my finger has finally healed enough to allow me to wash the tower of dishes that have piled up in my sink. It was a good excuse to be lazy, but dirty dishes really bother me. How boring...

It's late. I'll keep it short and sweet.

I saw Badly Drawn Boy tonight. It was the awesomenest...I really wanted a poster so I could add it to my new collection of framed music stuff. No posters though...only $25 tee-shirts...no thanks.

Post show, I had a couple more beers...the Boy and his band came to the bar...I got an intro (his accent was great, the teeth were sub-par), a kiss on the cheek and a small discussion about the music creation process and the new William Shattner album. Go groupie.

Yes, it's true. Damon really thinks highly of the new William Shattner album...and I really don't have anything to say against that. I heard his take on Pulp's Common People and I can say that I'm disturbed, yet slightly intrigued...this is what we discussed.

This is also a gentle reminder to consider the kisses when they're offered...you never know when you may pass them up and then spend the rest of eternity wondering what you've missed...

I had a very neat night this evening. I always like it when my nights pick up in their interesting-ness after 12 a.m....

T'was a typical Sunday night...work and all...the bar afterwards. Nothing special.

So, I left the bar relatively early...1 a.m...ok, not really early at all, but pre-last call. I decided on my way "home" that I needed to confirm that I still knew people in Austin. I was taking the long way home, when I realized I was passing the Hole in the Wall...Hey! I haven't been there in a while and my work peeps always talk about hanging there...so I figured I'd stop in for one more beer...even if I have to enjoy it by myself.

But, it turns out that my quest wasn't in vain...I first ran into one of the bartenders of another establishment that I frequent every now and then...and as expected, I ran into some of my work peeps. This was really cool, because I've never hung out with anyone I work with...it was neat to drink beer and discuss work...lame, I know, but strangely satisfying because my quest for friendly conversation was met. I didn't have to go immediately home.

On top of that, while I was parking to go to the Hole, I got a wave of familiarity from a passing car...

all this is just what I needed to make me feel like I'm not alone in this city...because sometimes I feel like I am.

Yeah. I know. I'm not male, but I just really hate it when people change song lyrics to match their situation...they're just not theirs to change...know what I mean? So...you get the point.

So, what am I exhausted from? Is it the endless nights of alcohol consumption? The tiresome (sarcasim can be hard to catch written down) 20-30 hours a week I put into work? No...it must be the wasted cumulative hours I spend cleaning up cat hair. True, all these things can be annoying, but not all that exhausting.

What IS exhausting is trying to figure out what people are thinking and why they do what they do. There are so many studies devoted to this...so many jobs that revolve around this...But why? What's the point? We've been told all our lives that were all one of a kind...special...individuals...no two people are going to think or act exactly the same way. So, how is any one person going to truly figure out anything about another? I know, I know...this is a stupid general observation...not meant to signify anything but my ramblings.

Sometimes I think that I have certain people figured out. I tend to be a concrete and logical person...point A will lead to point B and here's why...and this is what messes me up when it comes to people. They just don't work that way...do they? I know this, but I try anyway...like those other people who get paid to do it...but a lot less important and in-depth.

So, here we go...it's time to stop pondering general bullshit...and I'll just throw it out here even though it may get me in trouble. WHY, oh WHY would an ex-girlfriend of some months ago decide to reclaim me now? There's been plenty of time in the past...and we were doing so good...the timing just seems far too perfect. How about you just tell me?

Again, diving into the personal relationships for the the entire interweb to view. Let's keep the uber-specific comments to email...as in, I shouldn't be talking about this here anyway...but, hey that's what happens when beer, 4 a.m., frustration and computers mix.

So, the skipping work karma came back to me pretty quickly...I was happily doing dishes yesterday evening when a wily serrated knife (that your's truly intelligently put in the dish sink) sliced up my right ring finger. Ewwww...and this makes it pretty difficult to effectively work. But, hey, what are you gonna do?...besides not doing stupid things to begin with...that's far too much to ask for.

Anyway...tonight I'm continuing my journey through live music month. I'll hopefully be attending the Rilo Kiley show down at Emo's...and I'll actually have to pay for this show...imagine that. Next week, there's more fun with Badly Drawn Boy and Morrissey. Then, maybe it'll stop for a little while so I can figure out what's going on with myself...maybe just for a second.

Well now...what hasn't gone on since the last time I wrote?

Well, to start...I came down with a freak "kidney infection" on Tuesday afternoon. The pain was so unbearable that I had to call into work and immediately get out to nature and drink lots of beer.

The impromptu camping went down out at Pace Bend park on Tuesday night...after a small white lie was told to get out of work...and it ended up being well worth it. Lots-o-fun was had. I met some really cool people and laughed non-stop for a good 6 hours. What can I say? The bartender thing is looking better everyday!

And then yesterday, running on about 3 hours of sleep and 11 Modelo Especials from the night before...I was extremely fucking fortunate to be snuck into the sold out Pixies show! Did I mention that they're one of the greatest rock bands EVER? Really? Because they're one of the greatest rock bands EVER! The guy who let me in was very cool about it...seeing that he barely knows me...I owe him plenty-a-beer.

So, I think I have this thing called "work" tonight. I hear it's what people do to make money and think I'm running out of this strange monetary paper quickly.

So....here's a question for the general reading public...what would your reaction be when you find out that you been hanging out next to The Pixies all night? This is, of course, pointed out to you after you've had any chance to do anything about it...but before your chance to go hang out with them afterwards is presented...and, of course, turned down...

Gah. Sometimes I wish I had more of a groupie gene in me.

That's right. Yours truly was evidently sharing a very slow evening at the bar with the legendary band.

Apparently, the bar that I frequent often was just cool enough to be recommended to one of the greatest rock bands EVER to visit on a Monday night. And even more fun, from a Mel-a-rific viewpoint, is my opportunity to maybe go see their show on Wednesday night for free...if my timing and luckiness is just right. We'll see if that goes down...I just have to conveniently be moseying on Red River around 8'oclock and it might just happen...I'll make sure to keep it up to date.

If I was lamenting my pseudo-rockstar lifestyle the other night, this is where I retract those statements. Once in a lifetime opportunities like this are not taken by people who have responsibilities...and I sometimes love the fact that I have very few of these "responsibilities" right now...I know they will come later in life...as they have been around previously.

So, besides being around monumental rock band this week, I may also be engaging in some impromptu camping tomorrow...maybe it's bar talk...but, maybe not...again, we'll see...

Ahhhhhh...being young and free can be so nice...do you think they can make it tomorrow night without one of their star pizza deliverers?

On another note: isn't it nice to see someone else besides the Yankees win a baseball game? Go Sox!

And on another another note: I ran into a friend of an old friend the other night...it was fabulous...we had much to talk about and much to relate to...we shared a friend in a guy who lived on a farm and whose mom taught me Latin. Does David Allen Coe and shooting off rifles on New Years Eve ring a bell?

If that ain't country...I'll kiss your ass.

Fun reviews of Mel-a-rific's life this weekend:

The Return of the Cat Terrorizing Dog - starring Maggie Mae, Mrs. Lola Bojangles, and Cat B. This is a fantasitcal story of a misplaced and confused dog doing her best to get by while her owner travels to New York one weekend. Hair goes-a-flying and litter boxes are raided in this action packed event that will have your claws ready to swat!

Walletae Disapperium - A classic tale of a situation that almost everyone can relate to...picture this: one day you have your wallet...everything thing is peachy. It lives snuggly in your bag...always there when you need it. Good ol' wallet...if there's one thing in life that can be relied upon, it's the the steadfast location of the blue kitty wallet. Until one day........
Thevies? Careless owner misplacement? An intricate plot by the Botswannian government? No one will ever know...or will they?

Sunday Night's Just Alright - When every day is like Sunday, a semi-big town girl with a quasi-small town attitude has a hard time keeping track of dates and days of the week...music and beer appears to be the only thing she can relate to. Unbridled service industry stories are abound...and social psychology is more than touched upon...Until one day her life changes forever in a way that'd no one ever expected.*

*Yeah. Right.

And just when you think you've figured it all out...

Ok...I believe there's nothing that I'll ever really figure out...but, I hate it when someone you think you're making progress with goes and does something so slight to make you feel like you're back to ground zero.

I hate to be so cryptic...but I'm just so confused/pissed off right now that I can't even type it effectively.

See, the thing is...you can never know if the action is as meaningful to the other person as it is to you...again, as slight as that action is.

This is already more than the world needs to know about my personal relationships...so I'll stop here. But...for the record...QUIT FUCKING WITH ME, DAMNIT!

Is there anybody else out there that is just WAITING for Dr. Phil to fuck up? I mean, just a little bit...maybe an extramarital affair or a small drug bust...or one of his children revealing an illegitimate child? Anyone? I know this guy does: http://www.rotten.com/library/bio/mad-science/dr-phil/

Again, here I am being cynical for no apparent reason. I guess I just get slightly testy because Dr. Phil is always referencing his life and family as a positive example of wholesome family goodness. I know he's fucked up somewhere...I just know it. He is also adding to the already skewed enough general impression of Texans ...I SWEAR! We're not all like that! I've never even heard the phrase "Rise above the raisin" nevertheless put it to use!

Meanwhile, I'm still waiting for Ken Jennings to hit a wall.

Ok. Enough on that. I have a few other things running through my head today.

We'll start here:

1. Why is it that whenever my father talks to me, he always brings up my employment status? I mean, I know it's his job to push me, but he talks about it like I'm fully unemployed and a general leech on society. I realize that I'm a slacker, but I am paying my own bills and stuff...

2. While I'm on the topic of my slackerdom, I've come to accept the fact that I have a commitment problem...the previous statement being the only thing that I've fully committed to in my life. This was made clear to me by my friend's comment right after I told her that I wanted to start raising pigeons: "I want to drive a taxi. I want to raise pigeons...is there anything else?" I started going through a list, in my head, of all my past "kicks" from card collecting to stained glass to sewing to motorcycle repair...this list runs pretty long. Strangely enough, I've never felt that I have issues with relationship commitment...just job and hobby commitment. I start things and don't follow them through...I can't help it. It's not like I can't finish things, I just get distracted by something new...and I crave new and exciting things. What does that mean?

3. And last but not least, I have been feeling overwhelmed with this pressure to not take anything in life for granted. This isn't a recent thing, but if you think about it, you're entire life can be spent making sure you don't overlook everything's deep and significant importance. EVERYTHING. This could drive a person crazy...and I don't want to be that person.

On Monday, I was listening to a rerun of Terry Gross interviewing Christopher Reeves on NPR. He said something along the lines of being envious of a person who stood up and stretched. He was like "People need to realize how lucky they are that the can do this" Mind you, it was a very moving interview...but I was like "DAMNIT! Now there's something else I have to put complex thought into". Ok...I know I'm a selfish bitch for thinking this, but I already spend a whole lotta time thinking about how lucky I am to have a job, a car, a home, food, parents, no serious physical aliments, iffy yet functional mental health, cuddly kitties...and NOW a viable skeletal structure, muscles and nervous system can be added to that list. Can I be granted permission by a higher authority to remain oblivious to some things?

Thanks.

And the week pushes on...

Last night I was presented with the opportunity to see the Snow Patrol show. It ended up being quite decent. You really can't go wrong with rock music and English/Irish/Scottish accents in my book. "You're from the U.K.? Ok then...you automatically rock." I had a good time.

Also, my new roommate came by and picked up a key yesterday. I told her that she could come by whenever she felt like it and that I'd get used to it. I figured there was no real reason to make her move all of her stuff in on the first...besides my wanting to soak up my last days of living alone. I never thought that I'd get all selfish about my "personal space", but now that my days alone are limited, I'm finding myself freaking out. Gah. And after all the months I've spent bitching about being alone! I'm so fickle and unappeasable.

In order to demonstrate my point, I'm tired of typing now. I'm going to the Home Depot and then I'm going to watch Mean Girls. Yeah. See what I mean?

Yet another night spent at home...not a bad thing. After working for 10 hours today, I thought I'd prepare myself for another 10 hour day tomorrow...alas...I've spent this evening drinking and staying up late anyway.

BUT...some good has come out of this: I've created my best/favorite music mix to date. It's so neat...I've finally put together a good mix of the new and the old AND they're so closely intertwined that it would leave one baffled...or maybe this is just the beer talking...I guess I won't know until I get real feedback. I can't express enough how long I've been wanting to do this.

God. It's kinda scary how easily I can entertain myself. I find pure enjoyment in playing with loud music, drinking beer and soaking up my last days of smoking in the house. When the new roommate enters the picture, I'll have to tone it down a bit...again, not a bad thing. I need boundaries. I have no parent/significant other/housemate/teacher/boss/counselor/etc to set these limits for me...and I've found that I fair quite poorly at setting them for myself. Hmmmm...does this mean that I've failed the "adult" test?

Though, if I can say one thing on my behalf, I keep my house clean despite the fact that I'm the only one who ever sees it...does that count for something? You never know when the Queen of England may drop by for a bit of tea...or Jesus' second coming could take place my living room. I want to be equally prepared for rapture and royalty.

Maybe THEY would appreciate a copy of my newest music mix.

I had a lovely relaxing evening tonight. I took a night off (not from work, but from going out)...which I should probably do more than once a week...and popped popcorn, baked cookies and read Glamour. Yes, it's true, I'm actually female enough to read Glamour. Granted, it's a subscription that was given to me as a gift from my stepmother...and probably a futile attempt to "lady-fy" me...but those "you go girl!" self esteem boosting articles really just hit the spot sometimes.

And, I'm sure some of you know this, Glamour is slightly less raunchy than Cosmo (a read that I save for the bathroom only...thanks Liz...), so I can feel all warm and fuzzy taking heterosexual relationship advice from a bunch of corporate choads in NYC. It's a slight change of pace from my normal late night adventures of listening to rock music on my PC.

And is it possible that the 4 perfume samples and numerous fashion tips actually do add to my femininity? Hmmmm...I can picture myself in that black dress smelling all flowery...but then reality hits me...all my time is spent smoking, drinking, running around (literally) or smoking and drinking. And I guess I'm just not all that keen on changing my activities to fit apparel...it's quite the opposite in my book.

Well...I guess that's it then. My girliness for the month has been covered...back to work, people.

Viva life!

So, some small updates: 1. I found a roommate. She seems cool enough and she's going to share the bills with me. Yay...go Craigslist...B. I FINALLY hung out with the bartender. Very very cool. Details to follow.

Last night, we went out and saw The Gift of Gab (of Blackalicious) show. It was way rad...sorry, I'm not feeling all that descriptive this late evening/early morning. Let's just say I've never seen any human being speak at such a speed. It was very impressive just for that, nevermind the fact that he manages to do it to a hip-hop-eness beat.

Oh yeah. The date...not the show. It was very very cool...if I didn't already say that. We managed to talk nonstop and worked in lots of "getting to know you" stuff into one evening. Dating's so bizarre....and tonight (she was working....at the bar...so very convenient) we both confessed to having a couple of drinks before meeting up with each other last night, so at least the mutual feeling of awkwardness were out of the bag.

That's all I will say for now. I believe that we have a "potential" second date set for Friday night. Yet again, you gotta love Austin for its non-committal casual atmosphere that seems to seep into people's attitudes..."Yeah...I had a good time...maybe we can hang again, no?..."

There are more intricate details that I wish I could share with you people, but I guess you're just going to have to invest in the published versions of my "real" diaries...due out in 2053...no...sickco's, it's not dirty, just more complex.

Howdy folks. I hope everyone's day went well...mine was quasi-productive. I mostly slept* and I took down/re-hung some shelves. Since my roommate moved out, I've been spending a lot of time organizing and purging all the crap that I've been carrying around for years. This has been a wonderful cleansing experience, but it has also left me riddled with guilt.

I mean, I know my grandmother probably wouldn't be offended by my throwing out the small bottle perfume she gave me for my high school graduation...and all that makeup that my dad bitched about spending his money on 10 years ago...but still...it pains me to throw this shit away. And then there's the posters. I'm finally getting rid of most of my posters. I'm trying to justify to myself that a picture of a beauty queen with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth isn't funny anymore...huh...no, it still is. But, I think it's time for it to be passed along...to another generation of drunk 18 years olds looking for random crap to pin to their walls.

Yeah. I'll just look at it that way. I'm sure there's someone else out there that will have an undying love of my old crap. Riiiiggghhtt.

*the price of my drinks at the bar has gotten uncomfortably low...I know I really shouldn't be complaining, but I don't need any encouragement when it comes to binge drinking...also, it makes me feel a little sleazy...

I love you all. No really. I do. See that guy over there? He doesn't know what this means. He thinks that the love he feels for his sleek hipster pants is the same love he feels for his friends. Little does he know.

The love I have for you all equals that of a three day long cocaine binge*. Not that I know what that feels like...but, I let's just say I can imagine it...and it's bigger than my love for my Depeche Mode t-shirt. And that's saying alot.

Think of this as a virtual group hug.


*no Mellens were harmed in the making of this blog entry.

Here's what's been decided girl scouts:

Camping!

When?: November 13& 14...possibly with an added night on the 12th. I'm poor. I don't know if I can miss that much work. We'll see.

Where?: Lost Maples State Park...it's pretty. AND you wusses won...we decided the drive up site would be better because they allow fires...and we all know that I can't go more than 24 hours without burning something.

Why?: Because this is how I maintain my sanity.

Do you want to come? Good. You should. Trees and air are nature's candies...oh no, wait...that's raisins. Nevermind.

On another note, today's Sunday! I'm getting a strong hankering to go dancing tonight...I'm only getting this feeling because I know I can't afford it. It's always good to have something to pine for. And...I've amazingly managed to stay away from the bar for two whole nights now! That short-lived abstinence will most likely end tonight...

So here we are at the weekend again. Same old thing, except for that I won't be doing anything but working...stupid money.

So I skipped eating out and instead prepared myself a breakfast of eggs, sausage and a bagel. I need to be somebody's wife...I enjoy doing this domestic shit way too much. Ok. Then I decided to watch my 15 minutes of television for the day...I only watch tv when I'm eating by myself...mostly because if I try to eat and type at the same time, the keyboard gets sticky and dirty. I guess I could sit on my bed, but getting crumbs in my bed has to be one of my biggest pet peeves*...OK. So the tv box was showing one of those Saturday afternoon movies that make me start to loose faith in humanity in general.

Was anyone else in the dark about Green Acres being made into a made for tv movie? Cuz I sure as hell didn't know they went there. It was so zany. Although I only witnessed 15 minutes of this masterpiece, I got the plot down pat: that chick with the accent and that guy that liked the farm end up moving back to New York. Meanwhile, poor Hooterville is threatened by a money-hungry big-city real estate guy who sneakily buys the whole town and makes plans to demolish it...I didn't catch what for...but, I don't think it matters. And then...and then...I'm sorry, I'm tired of telling this story already. Let's just say everyone bands together and the town's saved in the end.

Lots of money goes into this shit, folks. People can't feed themselves and their children, but by golly, I can feel safe in knowing that there will always be plenty of money to make really really horrible entertainment...if you can call it that...I'm sure there's at least one person out there that thinks that "Return to Green Acres" is the best thing EVER. Step aside Jesus...that cute little pig is all I need for happiness. Just one more reason why I refuse to pay for tv.

Gah. I'm glad I got that out.

*now that I think about it, this may have been one of the direct causes of breakup for my ex-girlfriend and I...I mean, do you really need to enjoy those cookies and cheetos in BED?!?

I spent all day today driving 360 miles and loading/unloading furniture in order to spend a wonderfull (and hopefully many more to come) night sleeping in a snuggly bed...ahhh. This is what I'm going to do now.

And...To all you campers...everyone who wants to come, should come...so far, it looks like it'll be a ladies only retreat....huzzah! But as for Abes and t...sorry dudes...experience the pain of the primitive-ness yet once again...just pretend like you're old prospectors.