12.25.2006
My Step-mother is an Alien!
Well, not really. BUT...how different life would be if the woman that married my father five years ago bore ANY resemblance to the zany movie staring Dan Aykroyd and that chick from Buffy...***if only***
Instead, I'm lucky enough to spend most major holidays with a woman who shares more "pleasant genes" with Kathy Bates' Annie Wilkes than any of Kim Basinger's driveling characters....yessss, even when Kim shares the screen with a Baldwin.
So, all possible psychosis aside, my step-mother would still make an interesting subject to many a junior psychologist. Every time I'm around her for more than a day or so, I even find myself trying to take a shot at figuring out her freakin' hang ups. Neglected childhood...or maybe...too spoiled? Incomplete sense of self? Well, whatever it actually is, I'm totally okay with it...up until it manifests into a ball of beige-tinted neurosis and hurls itself towards my head.
Yeah.
Everything was actually going quite well today...I've spent the past 30 hours stuffing my face with either food, caffeine, or alcohol...I try to sedate/alter my mind as much as possible when I'm at home (for so many reasons that are beyond the explaining capabilities of this post)...and, things have been good.
We opened presents...a day early, due to the limitations of our piece-meal family members' presences...and then ate more food...and drank more booze...and engaged in conversations chocked full of feigned jolly-ness and plans for the next few days...including Christmas church.
I'll shove in a very brief background here: I stopped going to church when I was just about 16 years old. Like, seriously put my foot down about it and took my beatings for doing so. I haven't really turned back since. I don't have a giant ideological problem with the Catholic Church, it's more with my immediate family and the suburban, dogmatic mental wasteland. Also, the church is crowded, hot and full of people who don't ever go to church (which I would be a part of, if I were to attend)...it brings on panic attacks and I'd rather avoid it. Let's just stop there.
So, on my father's end, neither one of us was surprised by our typical Christmas time exchange:
Dad: "Are you going to join us for midnight mass?"
Me: "No."
Dad: *sigh* "Okay then."
End.
I made my way upstairs, cocktail in hand, to work on the Thomas Kincade landscape puzzle my dad and I started on last night. It's been a dilly of a puzzle, I tells ya. My brother and his fiancé nap. My stepbrother jams out to bad pop music (e.g. Nickleback...ugh). Dad and Step-mother tend to messing with newly acquired kitchen appliances.
About and hour later, my Baily's and vodka concoction is actually starting to make the puzzle come together...and I start to hear various sounds that signal the departure for mass. I just calmly ignore them, knowing quite well that my dad and I had our traditional exchange earlier...
Still, it's hard to ignore my step-mother's shrill, whiney voice..."Joey!* Put your shoes on! We need to leave!!!! Frank!!!!!!! We need to go noooooooooowwwww...if we don't leave now, we won't find parking and we'll miss the Madrigals!"
But, still, I ignored her and focused on completing the Kincaid masterpiece. A few more minutes tick by and I hear my step-mother beckon again, this time, to me directly. First, I was told to "hurry up and put on my shoes!" Apparently, she couldn't sense, from downstairs, that I already had my pajamas on and there would be no putting on of the shoes for me this evening.
I politely informed her that I was not to be joining them at church and that I'd already told my dad this. What happened next was nothing less than plain weird.
My step-mother began to command me to "put my shoes on and get into the car RIGHT NOW!" I believe it's been at least ten years since anyone's taken that tone of voice with me. I might as well have been told to eat all my vegetables and be in bed by 8 o'clock...or else all my pony and lollypop privileges would be revoked for the remainder of the month.
I didn't know how to react to her, so I just kind of repeated my statement and said that I really didn't want to argue with her, but that I wasn't going to go to church. It's just that simple. I told her that I'm pretty sure that I didn't EVER to church with them and that tonight wasn't any different.
This point, apparently, served as the starting gun for a string of manipulative insults that...I figure....were supposed to guilt me into appeasing her. First, I was told that I should really think about who was taking care of me in this world (uummm...will I get an extra college credit in Philosophy if I answer this question in full?)...then I was told that my behavior was a disgrace to the family...and, finally, the last kick in the gut was being told that I should "really stop trying to make excuses for my life."
Seriously? That's a pretty low hit just to make yourself look good with your "complete family" at church. I know most devote catholics are pretty busy with the gluttony this month, but I betcha they could find some room from some envy...IF we prayed hard enough.
Halfway through her tirade, I stopped talking. I figured that if she really wanted to take it to the next step, that she's have the moxie to come up the stairs and look me in the face while saying these things. Of course, she didn't....church awaited The Family.
They went and I stayed. Even though I'm aware of my step-mother's irrational use of words to get what she wants, it still was very insulting. And, for some reason, the kicker here is that she has no concept of being hurtful. None. Absolutely nothing. I'm pretty sure I've never heard an apology or an admittance of being wrong ever come out of this woman's mouth.
I'd like to just drop what went on between us tonight. She probably won't remember it...mostly because she talks like that everyday to her husband and sons...and, generally, I've been exempt from it due to being female and scarcely found 'round these parts. But, it's going to be something that will stick with me for a while.
And, you know...in my OWN life, I try not to surround myself with people that pull that shit. But, as they say, you can't pick your family...or something like that. And, of course, I'm far from perfect, and I'm sure there's plenty of fuel on that end as well....
To try to end on a good note, Merry Christmas and stuff to everyone. Good luck with the family and hopefully it is an enjoyable time!!
*the names have been changed to protect the innocent...and, myself of course, if the innocent should ever read this page.
Instead, I'm lucky enough to spend most major holidays with a woman who shares more "pleasant genes" with Kathy Bates' Annie Wilkes than any of Kim Basinger's driveling characters....yessss, even when Kim shares the screen with a Baldwin.
So, all possible psychosis aside, my step-mother would still make an interesting subject to many a junior psychologist. Every time I'm around her for more than a day or so, I even find myself trying to take a shot at figuring out her freakin' hang ups. Neglected childhood...or maybe...too spoiled? Incomplete sense of self? Well, whatever it actually is, I'm totally okay with it...up until it manifests into a ball of beige-tinted neurosis and hurls itself towards my head.
Yeah.
Everything was actually going quite well today...I've spent the past 30 hours stuffing my face with either food, caffeine, or alcohol...I try to sedate/alter my mind as much as possible when I'm at home (for so many reasons that are beyond the explaining capabilities of this post)...and, things have been good.
We opened presents...a day early, due to the limitations of our piece-meal family members' presences...and then ate more food...and drank more booze...and engaged in conversations chocked full of feigned jolly-ness and plans for the next few days...including Christmas church.
I'll shove in a very brief background here: I stopped going to church when I was just about 16 years old. Like, seriously put my foot down about it and took my beatings for doing so. I haven't really turned back since. I don't have a giant ideological problem with the Catholic Church, it's more with my immediate family and the suburban, dogmatic mental wasteland. Also, the church is crowded, hot and full of people who don't ever go to church (which I would be a part of, if I were to attend)...it brings on panic attacks and I'd rather avoid it. Let's just stop there.
So, on my father's end, neither one of us was surprised by our typical Christmas time exchange:
Dad: "Are you going to join us for midnight mass?"
Me: "No."
Dad: *sigh* "Okay then."
End.
I made my way upstairs, cocktail in hand, to work on the Thomas Kincade landscape puzzle my dad and I started on last night. It's been a dilly of a puzzle, I tells ya. My brother and his fiancé nap. My stepbrother jams out to bad pop music (e.g. Nickleback...ugh). Dad and Step-mother tend to messing with newly acquired kitchen appliances.
About and hour later, my Baily's and vodka concoction is actually starting to make the puzzle come together...and I start to hear various sounds that signal the departure for mass. I just calmly ignore them, knowing quite well that my dad and I had our traditional exchange earlier...
Still, it's hard to ignore my step-mother's shrill, whiney voice..."Joey!* Put your shoes on! We need to leave!!!! Frank!!!!!!! We need to go noooooooooowwwww...if we don't leave now, we won't find parking and we'll miss the Madrigals!"
But, still, I ignored her and focused on completing the Kincaid masterpiece. A few more minutes tick by and I hear my step-mother beckon again, this time, to me directly. First, I was told to "hurry up and put on my shoes!" Apparently, she couldn't sense, from downstairs, that I already had my pajamas on and there would be no putting on of the shoes for me this evening.
I politely informed her that I was not to be joining them at church and that I'd already told my dad this. What happened next was nothing less than plain weird.
My step-mother began to command me to "put my shoes on and get into the car RIGHT NOW!" I believe it's been at least ten years since anyone's taken that tone of voice with me. I might as well have been told to eat all my vegetables and be in bed by 8 o'clock...or else all my pony and lollypop privileges would be revoked for the remainder of the month.
I didn't know how to react to her, so I just kind of repeated my statement and said that I really didn't want to argue with her, but that I wasn't going to go to church. It's just that simple. I told her that I'm pretty sure that I didn't EVER to church with them and that tonight wasn't any different.
This point, apparently, served as the starting gun for a string of manipulative insults that...I figure....were supposed to guilt me into appeasing her. First, I was told that I should really think about who was taking care of me in this world (uummm...will I get an extra college credit in Philosophy if I answer this question in full?)...then I was told that my behavior was a disgrace to the family...and, finally, the last kick in the gut was being told that I should "really stop trying to make excuses for my life."
Seriously? That's a pretty low hit just to make yourself look good with your "complete family" at church. I know most devote catholics are pretty busy with the gluttony this month, but I betcha they could find some room from some envy...IF we prayed hard enough.
Halfway through her tirade, I stopped talking. I figured that if she really wanted to take it to the next step, that she's have the moxie to come up the stairs and look me in the face while saying these things. Of course, she didn't....church awaited The Family.
They went and I stayed. Even though I'm aware of my step-mother's irrational use of words to get what she wants, it still was very insulting. And, for some reason, the kicker here is that she has no concept of being hurtful. None. Absolutely nothing. I'm pretty sure I've never heard an apology or an admittance of being wrong ever come out of this woman's mouth.
I'd like to just drop what went on between us tonight. She probably won't remember it...mostly because she talks like that everyday to her husband and sons...and, generally, I've been exempt from it due to being female and scarcely found 'round these parts. But, it's going to be something that will stick with me for a while.
And, you know...in my OWN life, I try not to surround myself with people that pull that shit. But, as they say, you can't pick your family...or something like that. And, of course, I'm far from perfect, and I'm sure there's plenty of fuel on that end as well....
To try to end on a good note, Merry Christmas and stuff to everyone. Good luck with the family and hopefully it is an enjoyable time!!
*the names have been changed to protect the innocent...and, myself of course, if the innocent should ever read this page.
12.21.2006
I can feeeeeel the wind on my cheeks!
Helllloooo....and happy Christ-Kwanz-ukkah!!
Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Mellen's invitation to the Peace Corps and I'm on an intrepid journey across this great country of ours. I set out from Washington D.C. on December 6th or 7th (I'm not really sure...I tend to think of dates as frivolous and too constrictive) and began meandering through various cities, towns and postal workers' hands while making sure that my desires for adventure and exploration were simultaneously fulfilled. I mean, why hurry when I've finally managed to get out of that stifling, bureaucratic city that is our nation's capitol?
Exactly.
So, after spending a full day saying "good bye" to all my fellow parcels and envelopes, I headed out...first stop: Ashville, North Carolina. Why Asheville, you ask? Well....why not, I say! Asheville's zoo happens to be the home of my favorite, most comfortable and friendly way to travel long distances...three-toed sloth!
If you've never traveled via sloth, I highly recommend it. There's no better way to slowly take in the breath-taking scenery that surrounds us every day. You know, that's the problem with the world today...we don't see the importance in absorbing the details of life. We're always "Go! Go! Go! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! There's not enough time!!!"
But, no, not me...at least, not on this journey. I want to live...I want to experience it all...sure, I may just be an envelope stuffed with papers containing important information, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel.
SO, sloth and I took our time strolling through the South...through South Carolina and Georgia...sipping mint juleps on front porches...exclaiming, "I do declare!" every time there was something....well...to declare. I haven't made if to customs yet, so I'm not sure if there will be more of this in the future.
By the time me and Ole' Three-Toey (he lets me call him that now) ambled down to Alabama...three weeks later...I was ready to cut loose. In Birmingham, I boogied into the wee hours of the morning to various 80's dance hits...you know, D.C. is one thing, I mean, some like it hot...but, personally, when I feel the heat, I decide that I just can't go on. So, I figured, since I'm not really in much of a hurry, I'd just saunter my way through Alabama for a few days...
Eventually, we made through Mississippi, stopping only at all the Civil War battlegrounds and staying overnight at each one, and into the Big Easy. Here in New Owwwwllins (that's how the locals say it down here...and, we're considering hanging out long enough to become "locals"...so, I'm practicing)...Ole' Three-Toey decided he wanted to meet up with some of his friends at the local aquarium.
Boy, oh boy, did he have some real activities in mind! After picking up his buddies, the snail and the Galapagos tortoise, they announced their plans to participate as a team in the National Curling and Chess Tournament that just so happened to be taking place in New Orleans this year....what a treat!!
Louisiana was nice. Real nice...so nice that I didn't want to leave, but, alas, Texas beckons. Three-toey and I thought it was about time to mosey our way to the Lone Star State. You know...we've got some sites to see...back in Alabama, a gentleman told me of a place in East Texas with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to watch some paint dry. How can a pass up an offer like that? Also, I hear there's some nice rodeo outside of Houston that I'd like to catch.
As for Austin, well...you know...with the holidays here and everything, I'm really in no hurry to get there. Because, shit, as soon as I'm in Austin, my journey will abruptly end and all my guts of informational papers will be ripped out and mentally consumed!
And, I don't know about you, but that sounds quite unpleasant to me...soooooooo, me and Ole' Three-Toey, we'll get there when we get there.
Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Mellen's invitation to the Peace Corps and I'm on an intrepid journey across this great country of ours. I set out from Washington D.C. on December 6th or 7th (I'm not really sure...I tend to think of dates as frivolous and too constrictive) and began meandering through various cities, towns and postal workers' hands while making sure that my desires for adventure and exploration were simultaneously fulfilled. I mean, why hurry when I've finally managed to get out of that stifling, bureaucratic city that is our nation's capitol?
Exactly.
So, after spending a full day saying "good bye" to all my fellow parcels and envelopes, I headed out...first stop: Ashville, North Carolina. Why Asheville, you ask? Well....why not, I say! Asheville's zoo happens to be the home of my favorite, most comfortable and friendly way to travel long distances...three-toed sloth!
If you've never traveled via sloth, I highly recommend it. There's no better way to slowly take in the breath-taking scenery that surrounds us every day. You know, that's the problem with the world today...we don't see the importance in absorbing the details of life. We're always "Go! Go! Go! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! There's not enough time!!!"
But, no, not me...at least, not on this journey. I want to live...I want to experience it all...sure, I may just be an envelope stuffed with papers containing important information, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel.
SO, sloth and I took our time strolling through the South...through South Carolina and Georgia...sipping mint juleps on front porches...exclaiming, "I do declare!" every time there was something....well...to declare. I haven't made if to customs yet, so I'm not sure if there will be more of this in the future.
By the time me and Ole' Three-Toey (he lets me call him that now) ambled down to Alabama...three weeks later...I was ready to cut loose. In Birmingham, I boogied into the wee hours of the morning to various 80's dance hits...you know, D.C. is one thing, I mean, some like it hot...but, personally, when I feel the heat, I decide that I just can't go on. So, I figured, since I'm not really in much of a hurry, I'd just saunter my way through Alabama for a few days...
Eventually, we made through Mississippi, stopping only at all the Civil War battlegrounds and staying overnight at each one, and into the Big Easy. Here in New Owwwwllins (that's how the locals say it down here...and, we're considering hanging out long enough to become "locals"...so, I'm practicing)...Ole' Three-Toey decided he wanted to meet up with some of his friends at the local aquarium.
Boy, oh boy, did he have some real activities in mind! After picking up his buddies, the snail and the Galapagos tortoise, they announced their plans to participate as a team in the National Curling and Chess Tournament that just so happened to be taking place in New Orleans this year....what a treat!!
Louisiana was nice. Real nice...so nice that I didn't want to leave, but, alas, Texas beckons. Three-toey and I thought it was about time to mosey our way to the Lone Star State. You know...we've got some sites to see...back in Alabama, a gentleman told me of a place in East Texas with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to watch some paint dry. How can a pass up an offer like that? Also, I hear there's some nice rodeo outside of Houston that I'd like to catch.
As for Austin, well...you know...with the holidays here and everything, I'm really in no hurry to get there. Because, shit, as soon as I'm in Austin, my journey will abruptly end and all my guts of informational papers will be ripped out and mentally consumed!
And, I don't know about you, but that sounds quite unpleasant to me...soooooooo, me and Ole' Three-Toey, we'll get there when we get there.
12.07.2006
Good morning...all grey and cloudy.
Hey! It's Pearl Harbor day...it's also the day I graduated from college back in twenty aught one...also, today, my Peace Corps application status actually changed to something to look forward too...an invitation!
So....what does this mean? Ummm, well....as far as I can tell, this means that very soon I'll either know where I'm going and what I'll probably be doing...or that very soon I will have the opportunity to look at what the placement office has offered me and go, "Oh. They can't be serious...can they?" I doubt this will happen..but, I do always have the option to decline an invitation.
On different yet similar note, I'll be having my wisdom teeth cut out of my head next week. I bet that'll be just swell.
Right. I need to go to my place of employment now. Good day to all.
Hey! It's Pearl Harbor day...it's also the day I graduated from college back in twenty aught one...also, today, my Peace Corps application status actually changed to something to look forward too...an invitation!
So....what does this mean? Ummm, well....as far as I can tell, this means that very soon I'll either know where I'm going and what I'll probably be doing...or that very soon I will have the opportunity to look at what the placement office has offered me and go, "Oh. They can't be serious...can they?" I doubt this will happen..but, I do always have the option to decline an invitation.
On different yet similar note, I'll be having my wisdom teeth cut out of my head next week. I bet that'll be just swell.
Right. I need to go to my place of employment now. Good day to all.
