Austin's Lesbo BBQ

I came home from schoolly-work today and checked the mail..as I always do...and, not too much to my surprise, I found a credit card statement.

But, to boot,(and to my surprise) I also found a a plain looking envelope.

I opened both...the plain one was a notice to me (Cardholder) about the "exciting news that my credit line has just been extended!...due to my on-time payments...and improved credit standing." Blah blah.

I read that...and then I read my credit card statement and noted that, yet once again, my APR had just slightly risen.

So, I called the company...went through the goddamned button-punching motions of the automated system, and two days later, I was able to talk to a customer service representative. Here's a re-cap of our brief, yet profoundly circuitous, conversation:

CSR: Good afternoon..thank you for calling Company...this is Diane...how may I assist you today?

Me: Hello....well, see...I was just calling to see if I could cut a deal with you guys. I just received in the mail today another credit extension...I think this is the second one in the last 6 months. But, see the thing is...I don't want any more credit, but I would really like it if my APR came down. Do you see?

CSR: Um, yes..ok ma'am...can you hold for just a minute or two?

Me: Sure sure. (cue REALLY loud classical music...for about 45 seconds...)

CSR: Ma'am? Well, I'm seeing that we don't have any offers right now for lower APRs, although we do put out promotions and you may be eligible for them when they come up.

Me: Um, well...ok. What makes me eligible for a lower APR? Because, this letter on the extended credit thing say that good credit and on-time payments are what got me that cherry prize...

CSR: Yes. I'm checking your account...to be eligible for lower APRs you must have stayed within your credit limit and made regular on-time payments.

Me: Hmmm...Yeah. Sounds like me. Does it show how long I've had this card? I think it's been about four years...and, as far as I know, I've never gone over the limit...or paid late. But, I know for sure that my APR has gone up. It seems to me that the qualifiers for a credit line extension and lower APR are identical...and, I haven't really used this card in a while, so I don't really need more credit on it.

CSR: Yes ma'am. Well, I'm seeing that we don't have any offers right now for lower APRs, although we do put out promotions and you may be eligible for them when they come up.

Me: Ok. Yeah...right. Um, how often do these offers come up and how will I know when the promotion is happening?

CSR: Company will contact you and let you know when your eligible. We don't have any offers right now for lower APRs....

Me: Yes. I get it. Ok...well, I just thought I'd check. I figured I might be able to trade them out. You know? Take a lower credit limit in exchange for the lower APR? But, right...no offers. Thanks anyway.

So. That was it. I wasn't really thinking that I would get what I asked for...but, it didn't hurt too much to try. Obviously, the Company makes a butt-load of money off of my spending...and not paying off my bill...than they would if I had a lower APR and I STILL didn't use my card.

Anyway...it doesn't really matter. The Company giving me more money still won't get me to use the card...which is the idea.

I really, truly believe that credit card companies are evil...and not in the same way that Big Oil is evil...but rather, an entire section of hell is reserved for credit card companies. I pretty much equate them with drug dealers that hang out at playgrounds and offer toddlers "free samples"...

Ok...I'm gonna stop there. I'll leave Part II of the rant for the next time I'm up at 3 a.m. and drunk.