1.13.2006
Sufferin' succotash! Ssthomone ssthould take tthis girlssth's credit card away!
I received my Simpsons-related-impluse-purchase in the mail yesterday...
Funny thing about buying stuff online, I don't always remember that I bought something incredibly pointless and inane until it shows up in my mailbox...I will never get back $7 I spent on a tongue-ring whistle.
Of course, I bought it, so I figured I'd try to get some use out of it.
But, first, a little background on my tongue piercing...
I had a professional-dude put a hole in my tongue about nine years ago...almost to the date, actually. I really had no reason to do it...besides that I found a place that would pierce me without parental consent (as I was 17 at the time) and I was caught in a short-lived current of controlled self-mutilation...in the same week, I put three holes in my earlobes using a sewing needle and a thimble (I tried using ice too, but the cold hurt more than the dullish needle)...
The guy who aided in my moment of suburban rebellion was nice enough to pierce it further back than most people usually sport it...so, consequently, I've never really had to be self-conscious of being perceived as a "wild child"* when I'm interviewing for jobs or singing in the church choir.
I'm providing you with this background, because when someone does realize that I still have my tongue pierced, I'm almost ALWAYS asked, "Well, if you don't pay attention to it...and it really doesn't serve any purpose...why do you still have it?"
I'll tell you why...because when I was 17 and people asked me why I had it pierced in the first place...the only thing I could come up with was, "...so I can see how far in life I can go with a piece of metal through my tongue...why else?"
So. There you have it...and I'm still working on it...and it hasn't gotten in the way of me doing anything that I've wanted to do up to this point...and, as soon as it does, I'll get rid of it.
...generally speaking, I don't pay attention to it...I don't notice it...I don't play with it...it's just there. But, earlier this week, I saw that whistle-ring and I thought that it'd be cool to accessorize just because I could. The last time I even thought about my tongue piece is when my dentist reminded me that it need to come out during my root canal...
In steps the tongue whistle...I became giddy while inserting it into my tongue-hole...thinking of all those uses this accessory would present (see posting from earlier this week)...I positioned according to the directions and proceeded to awkwardly blow...
...and...got nothing. Well, unless you count the noise air makes when it's blown through teeth and the subsequent sound of spittle being forced out of slightly open lips...but, certainly not the awesome sound a $7 tongue-ring-whistle should make.
I even messed with it a little...took it out and put it back in the opposite direction...and still, no whistle power.
So, I gave up after wasting five minutes of my precious time on this earth. But, I didn't immediately take it out...I closed my mouth and tested how it would feel if I did decide to keep it in.
This was kinda the fun part...so, it didn't make the noise it was supposed to make when I was using it properly...but it DID give me a marked speech impediment a la your standard cartoon character (there's one I'm thinking of particularly, but I can't seem to place it right now...maybe later)...you know, the lispy whistle sound made whenever a word requires the tongue to press against the front teeth?
So neat, it is. So, if you were ever wondering how you could obtain that oh-so-sought-after lisp you've always wanted...now you know.
*I think that if ANYBODY still believes that having a tongue piercing is a sign of a wild, uncontrollable personality, they need to wake up from their nap at Nancy Regan's "Just Say No!" Tiny Tots Day Care...I would guess that about 85% of people my age have some sort of outrageous and rebellious body piercing.
Funny thing about buying stuff online, I don't always remember that I bought something incredibly pointless and inane until it shows up in my mailbox...I will never get back $7 I spent on a tongue-ring whistle.
Of course, I bought it, so I figured I'd try to get some use out of it.
But, first, a little background on my tongue piercing...
I had a professional-dude put a hole in my tongue about nine years ago...almost to the date, actually. I really had no reason to do it...besides that I found a place that would pierce me without parental consent (as I was 17 at the time) and I was caught in a short-lived current of controlled self-mutilation...in the same week, I put three holes in my earlobes using a sewing needle and a thimble (I tried using ice too, but the cold hurt more than the dullish needle)...
The guy who aided in my moment of suburban rebellion was nice enough to pierce it further back than most people usually sport it...so, consequently, I've never really had to be self-conscious of being perceived as a "wild child"* when I'm interviewing for jobs or singing in the church choir.
I'm providing you with this background, because when someone does realize that I still have my tongue pierced, I'm almost ALWAYS asked, "Well, if you don't pay attention to it...and it really doesn't serve any purpose...why do you still have it?"
I'll tell you why...because when I was 17 and people asked me why I had it pierced in the first place...the only thing I could come up with was, "...so I can see how far in life I can go with a piece of metal through my tongue...why else?"
So. There you have it...and I'm still working on it...and it hasn't gotten in the way of me doing anything that I've wanted to do up to this point...and, as soon as it does, I'll get rid of it.
...generally speaking, I don't pay attention to it...I don't notice it...I don't play with it...it's just there. But, earlier this week, I saw that whistle-ring and I thought that it'd be cool to accessorize just because I could. The last time I even thought about my tongue piece is when my dentist reminded me that it need to come out during my root canal...
In steps the tongue whistle...I became giddy while inserting it into my tongue-hole...thinking of all those uses this accessory would present (see posting from earlier this week)...I positioned according to the directions and proceeded to awkwardly blow...
...and...got nothing. Well, unless you count the noise air makes when it's blown through teeth and the subsequent sound of spittle being forced out of slightly open lips...but, certainly not the awesome sound a $7 tongue-ring-whistle should make.
I even messed with it a little...took it out and put it back in the opposite direction...and still, no whistle power.
So, I gave up after wasting five minutes of my precious time on this earth. But, I didn't immediately take it out...I closed my mouth and tested how it would feel if I did decide to keep it in.
This was kinda the fun part...so, it didn't make the noise it was supposed to make when I was using it properly...but it DID give me a marked speech impediment a la your standard cartoon character (there's one I'm thinking of particularly, but I can't seem to place it right now...maybe later)...you know, the lispy whistle sound made whenever a word requires the tongue to press against the front teeth?
So neat, it is. So, if you were ever wondering how you could obtain that oh-so-sought-after lisp you've always wanted...now you know.
*I think that if ANYBODY still believes that having a tongue piercing is a sign of a wild, uncontrollable personality, they need to wake up from their nap at Nancy Regan's "Just Say No!" Tiny Tots Day Care...I would guess that about 85% of people my age have some sort of outrageous and rebellious body piercing.
