Austin's Lesbo BBQ

Just so everyone knows, this will be the first blog entry that I've EVER done that I use real names and real pictures...whoa...it's a new era...and, hey, I'm even in some of the pictures! So much for anonymity...but, I don't think I really care anymore. Also, sorry the layout is so messed up...I'll try messing with it later, but for now, I guess you'll just have to read and then look at the pictures that go along with the story...So, here it goes...

Team Spaceship Mission 72 (of which I'm a part of) set off into the hills this past weekend to do some camping. The idea was to spend three days and two nights of sleeping under the stars...in (hopefully) warm sleeping bags...while testing our ability to carry 80lbs worth of stuff on our backs...AND to get along the whole time.

I snapped this picture of some of the crew shortly before we launched...one team member's dad was nice enough to loan us an Expedition....it should be noted that this may be the ONLY time in the history of the world that an SUV was used to 1) haul lots of "equipment" 2) completely fill all of it's passenger seats AND 3) be driven off into the rolling hills and down dusty dirt roads.
Before we could really get moving, we had to make several stops...one for the last minute groceries, one for lunch, and of course, one for crack pecans.













I figured crack pecans were the kind of nuts that you just couldn't stop eatin'. I went into the store to investigate further...I didn't see any nut junkies hanging around, but I did watch a man, who was at least 90 years old, crack pecan shells at an alarming rate...I bet they were freebasing the shells in the back...I didn't have time to look, because we had to be on our way.

Two hours later, we were almost there...we drove through the town of Bandera, Texas...the cowboy capital of the world! THE WORLD! We didn't question anybody in town about this self-proclamation...best mind our own business....

Once we were there, we were able to fully grasp the "primitiveness" of the Hill Country Natural Area...we arrived on a Saturday afternoon, with no reservations and asked for a campsite for two nights. There were plenty available....but...the one that we wanted just happened to be occupied by 33 boy scouts....damn scouts....they're ALWAYS in the way. We decided to suck it up, hike out there and compete for survival with a bunch of 13 year olds...why not?

The campsite was a 2.5 mile hike...had no running water...or bathrooms...but, they did allow fires....I guess that makes up for lack of water. We were under the impression that we would have to pack in some firewood if we wanted to enjoy these fires...enter the above picture.

As everyone stared at the bundles of firewood...deciding how we should split up the additional 20lbs of wood among each other (I just took pictures)...we also had several gallons of water to pack in, which made the packs pretty damn heavy...so, if you didn't catch this already...our packs were HEAVY. But...it had to be done...





So...off we went.



Team member Liz was smart enough to bring her some trail-walkin' music...she kept up her pace with the help of Prince, Fannypack and Hall and Oates...and with a selection like that, no one could possibly fall behind...she then grabbed the camera from me and caught me in a backdrop of rolling wheat...ok...it probably wasn't wheat...maybe it was closer to Sting's "Fields of Gold"...we'll probably never know.















It took us about an hour to hike out the the campsite...it was definitely not a leisurely stroll...heavy packs combined with a rocky trail and a number of hills left us all pretty beat by the time we got there. We managed to set up our tents...then basically got ready to start a fire and cook some dinner.
I'm a big wuss and I get scared when I have to sleep by myself...alone...in the dark...in the woods...so, Daniel and Megan were polite enough to let me set up my tent basically on top of theirs...Liz pointed out that I should just pretend I was living in their garage apartment...so I did...I made lots of noise and threw wild parties...like any good tenant would.













The rest of the evening was spent trying to get my gasoline-powered stove to work without exploding...bitching about the hike/workout...and setting marshmallows on fire...
We were all ready to sleep by about 9 p.m....our boy scout neighbors were out by 8:30...but we also wanted to stay up late enough to catch the moon rising...it was so bright that you could see the light coming over the hills well before you could actually see the moon...or, rather, the sky was that dark...we could also see the Milky Way and lots o' stars and planets...us city folk were quite impressed.

So, after the fun-filled first day, we were out by 10:30...
We all awoke on Sunday and made some breakfast...we all mostly survived the weekend on a mixture of instant oatmeal, ramen, beef jerky and granola bars...what we ate for any particular meal really stopped mattering after the first night...so jerky for breakfast? Why not...

After breakfast, we walked around the area and searched for the pond that was on the map...I took off my shoes, washed some dishes (and my filthy, filthy hands) and brushed my teeth...ah nature...the pond water was nice and cold, and even though I'm sure it was frequented for drinking water by horses and the occasional mountain tiger (or bears...?) it didn't taste bad at all...

Next on the agenda...more hiking! We realized that we had gone through 4 gallons of water in the first day...so, we had to hike back to the car to get some water and more firewood (the scouts told us the night before that we were allowed to collect wood...making us look like idiots for packing it in...but, we bought it, so we figured we'd use it)...it also gave us the opportunity to utilize the closest thing to a real toilet while we could...look...we're all going to those two port-o-lets at the same time...together...we seriously bonded on this trip.

Hiking is hard. Two and a half miles back to the car...two and a half miles back to the campsite with our water and wood...what's next? Lunch...and nap...we could all handle the physical activity, but just in short bursts, apparently...

So, post naps...we took a gander at the trail map that the ranger guy gave us the day before and picked out trail to hike...there's really not much else to do while camping...except to hike and burn stuff...so, during the daylight hours, we choose the former...here, we see team member Megan blazing (what would turn out to be) the rough and treacherous Trail #5...into the hills we went...

Interweb, I'd like to introduce you to a picture of Liz's ass...Liz's ass, interweb...now we're all acquainted...sorry, I had slip in something inappropriate sooner or later....and I always found myself at the back of the group...
See that hill? We were going to climb it. Then we'd be on top of it. And you know what? We did. Raarrr....command and conquer, Team Spaceship Mission 72...

What's that behind us? Bah? Oh...it's a camera...and it's taking our picture.














We owned that hill....and then we climbed down because we realized that the sun would beat us if we didn't get a move on.
I snapped this cute picture of Liz while she enjoyed the natural view, inhaled butt-loads of chemicals with that hill-top air...and , as I pointed out to her, sat in horse shit...her response? "Eh..it's dried and old anyway..." Ah...the apathy to filth had set in...my favorite part of camping. I love you Liz, even though it looks like I'm picking on you...I like how all the hill-top pictures I took of you has you looking like you stole the Pope's habit...or maybe Erika Badu's headdress...




Doug did a good job demonstrating how we all felt by this part of the trip...













Awww...Danile and Megan are, like, the cutest married couple in the whole world...the WHOLE WORLD, damnit...See, Bandera? I can make righteous self-declarations too!

Here, we have Daniel enjoying his dinner...one can of beans...Instructions: poke a ventilation hole...throw in fire. Open, enjoy and look like hobo.

After dinner...it got dark...and cold...so, we all gathered around the fire to enjoy some sub-freezing cigars and travel Scrabble!...








Liz...deep in crossword thought...
What do you think that comment gemeant? I bet Doug geknows...but, shhhhh...let's not disturb him...







And that pretty much covers night two...the boy scouts had left that morning, so we had the whole area to ourselves...it felt like we had acres of world without a soul around...

We packed up and headed out the next morning...by this time, we had taken to walking only in a single file line...not a word was spoken...and after, yet another, 2.5 miles hike...we were back at the car...and I think I can speak for all of Team Spaceship Mission 72: we were exhausted and ridiculously dirty.

On our way back, we stopped in at the local Denny's in Kerrville...quite possibly the most depressing Denny's I'd ever seen, but it had hot food... so look out diner of despair, here we come! Our server probably thought that we had just come back from a war...we order just about everything on the menu had to offer and racked up the biggest bill I think I've ever seen at a short-order restaurant.

By day three without a shower...plus a extra dirt and campfire smoke...my hair had taken on a life of it's own. Liz did me the favor of sculping my very own Dr. Suess-esc hairstyle..no product required...

Finally...after a silly drive home...late on Monday afternoon...we arrived back in Austin.

Goodbyes were said...hands were shook...bonding was had. It was time for a shower and a return to reality...


Thus brings our hill-treking, pack-mule-like exercising journey to an end. I had a ton of fun and I think everyone else did too...despite the work, it was worth it.

So...til next year....who's ready to hike Big Bend?