11.26.2005
And here I find myself...back in Houston, once again...I decided to come for a post-Thanksgiving visit for no particular reason. I made quite a mediocre dinner on Thursday, but it all worked out....I even have some pictures...but, I'll have to say, it wasn't that bad for My First Thanksgiving™....maybe, next year I'll be more creative.
So, I figure if I never came "home" to Houston I would never be able to do my dad and stepmother the favor of solving their arguments...The most important of issues are resolved right here in Kingwood, Texas...such as
1) Q: Which goes in the shaker with more holes, salt or pepper?
A: Who the fuck knows. I interjected that in all my "professional" experience, salt has always gone in the shaker with more holes. My stepmother insist that her mother ALWAYS put the salt in the one with the less holes....and that, what mothers do is ALWAYS right.
I had to bite my tongue on this one....if I thought that everything MY mother did was always right...well, I don't know how to say this, but I'd probably be smoking crack and a number of other morally reprehensible things...luckily, I posses this thing called "judgment"....sometimes it works logically...other times it sits on hold listening to an instrumental version of Madonna's "Justify Your Love"...and still other times it jumps so quickly that it doesn't even know it's being utilized...but, if one thing is for sure, it knows its role in the "everything my parent says/does is right" situations...
Oh. Where were we? Ok...yeah.
2) Q: How long should you leave the range vent running?
A: Indefinitely. The idiots who designed this house put curtains above the range that will forever smell like sausage if you turn the vent off...ever. Don't ever, ever turn it off...even when I'm gone. I'll know.
3) Q: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A: Three and a quarter pecks. No more, no less...don't ask me again, ok?
Also, if I never made it "home" I would have no idea that Christmas started the week of Thanksgiving....because it does...hands down. The music, smells, multiple fake pine trees, and countless red bows suggests nothing less than complete saturation in holiday...despite the fact that it's 63 degrees outside. This weather has me thinking of July in Massachusetts...ahhh memories...so far, I've already heard "Jingle Bell Rock" three times today...and every attempt I've made to switch the radio to NPR or even classical music has been thwarted by the "Christmas Spirit!" Nazi...
So....you're probably wondering why I subject myself to this in the first place...sometimes, I wonder this myself. But, actually, there are a couple of reasons.
The first one being that my dad are still working on getting my 86' Honda Spree running. Yes...I'm proud...I might actually accomplish something that I said I wanted to do....and, well, that doesn't happen very often...and, in reality, I didn't do much of the accomplishing...unless you count my being able to get my dad interested in the project. I've been more of a helper...cleaning and putting some things together, but either way, it'll be done...it'll be running...and I'll finally be able to pull off a "reel kool" way to kill myself...I wonder how long it's going to take for a drunken SUV driver to run me over...THAT would be the way to go.
I'd give myself a time-frame for the first accident, but it's already happened....I managed to eat shit yesterday while chasing my dad's three dogs around the driveway...I deserved it, with all my tomfoolery and such....and now I've got two wicked nasty bruises on my left calf and right thigh...I'm afraid to see what's going to happen when I get out on the street...
Some other reasons I like to come to Houston are the endless free meals...and beer...and tv...and company. I'm almost to the point where I'm comfortable here...imagine that...I spent at least 10 years wanting to leave this place and never come back...and, for the first time ever (since I got back from Massachusetts) I've been ok hanging out in Kingwood...but, I don't think I could do it indefinitely...
So, I'll be back in Austin sometime tomorrow to start the next cycle of working and other life discouragers...but, hopefully, I'll keep going and make it through Christmas...
So, I figure if I never came "home" to Houston I would never be able to do my dad and stepmother the favor of solving their arguments...The most important of issues are resolved right here in Kingwood, Texas...such as
1) Q: Which goes in the shaker with more holes, salt or pepper?
A: Who the fuck knows. I interjected that in all my "professional" experience, salt has always gone in the shaker with more holes. My stepmother insist that her mother ALWAYS put the salt in the one with the less holes....and that, what mothers do is ALWAYS right.
I had to bite my tongue on this one....if I thought that everything MY mother did was always right...well, I don't know how to say this, but I'd probably be smoking crack and a number of other morally reprehensible things...luckily, I posses this thing called "judgment"....sometimes it works logically...other times it sits on hold listening to an instrumental version of Madonna's "Justify Your Love"...and still other times it jumps so quickly that it doesn't even know it's being utilized...but, if one thing is for sure, it knows its role in the "everything my parent says/does is right" situations...
Oh. Where were we? Ok...yeah.
2) Q: How long should you leave the range vent running?
A: Indefinitely. The idiots who designed this house put curtains above the range that will forever smell like sausage if you turn the vent off...ever. Don't ever, ever turn it off...even when I'm gone. I'll know.
3) Q: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A: Three and a quarter pecks. No more, no less...don't ask me again, ok?
Also, if I never made it "home" I would have no idea that Christmas started the week of Thanksgiving....because it does...hands down. The music, smells, multiple fake pine trees, and countless red bows suggests nothing less than complete saturation in holiday...despite the fact that it's 63 degrees outside. This weather has me thinking of July in Massachusetts...ahhh memories...so far, I've already heard "Jingle Bell Rock" three times today...and every attempt I've made to switch the radio to NPR or even classical music has been thwarted by the "Christmas Spirit!" Nazi...
So....you're probably wondering why I subject myself to this in the first place...sometimes, I wonder this myself. But, actually, there are a couple of reasons.
The first one being that my dad are still working on getting my 86' Honda Spree running. Yes...I'm proud...I might actually accomplish something that I said I wanted to do....and, well, that doesn't happen very often...and, in reality, I didn't do much of the accomplishing...unless you count my being able to get my dad interested in the project. I've been more of a helper...cleaning and putting some things together, but either way, it'll be done...it'll be running...and I'll finally be able to pull off a "reel kool" way to kill myself...I wonder how long it's going to take for a drunken SUV driver to run me over...THAT would be the way to go.
I'd give myself a time-frame for the first accident, but it's already happened....I managed to eat shit yesterday while chasing my dad's three dogs around the driveway...I deserved it, with all my tomfoolery and such....and now I've got two wicked nasty bruises on my left calf and right thigh...I'm afraid to see what's going to happen when I get out on the street...
Some other reasons I like to come to Houston are the endless free meals...and beer...and tv...and company. I'm almost to the point where I'm comfortable here...imagine that...I spent at least 10 years wanting to leave this place and never come back...and, for the first time ever (since I got back from Massachusetts) I've been ok hanging out in Kingwood...but, I don't think I could do it indefinitely...
So, I'll be back in Austin sometime tomorrow to start the next cycle of working and other life discouragers...but, hopefully, I'll keep going and make it through Christmas...
