4.21.2005
This gem of a dank hole JUST became avaliable...
I'm in search of a cave...a nice roomy one...about 3'x3' ft. would do it....no windows, please...and I could do without crawly animals. Oh, and I'm willing to put down first and last month's rent for deposit. Tell me if you know of one that's available. Thanks!
I've been building up to a catharsis of sorts for quite some time now...but when it finally began, well, it didn't feel so good...but, then again, I guess that's why feelings are repressed to begin with.
I was finally honest with my brother on why I had been putting off making plans to attend his graduation in San Diego at the end of May. I have no idea if I'm making the right decision or not, and I can't seem to find anyone who can tell me...so, I'm doing what I think needs to be done.
A little background here: My parents are divorced. My parents don't get along...at all. My parents haven't seen each other in at least six years. My parents will BOTH be at my brother's graduation...sitting next to each other in assigned seating. My parents will BOTH be wanting to spend time as a family...seperate from the original family. My dad is remarried....wife and a couple of step kids...my mother is not. I don't think my mother has ever fully grasped this reality.
I pointed this out to my brother a few months ago and told him that he needed to think about how he was going to handle that. His response was "Oh...it'll be o.k...You'll be there with Mom, and I'll be spending a lot of time with Girlfriend anyway." So basically it came down to, "It's not my problem, really...and you can deal with the blunt end of the stress like you always do!"
I had to deal with this at my graduation a few years back...he was no help to me either, but he was in school, so I'm not holding that against him. Also, at my graduation there were about 10,000 people there...no assigned seating...the seperation was alot easier, but it still caused me to have one of the worst weekends of my life....awwwww, my college graduation! Thank god I'm never getting married.
Fairness has nothing to do with this. If I were bitter about the world not being "fair" I really would be rocking back and forth in that cave right now. My brother and I have gone through several situations like this in the past few years. I've always realized that he is younger than me...and that he does have more of a future than I do...and that I have more avaliable "time" in my life to pick up the pieces.
But, I really think it's time for him to grow up and take some responsibilty. Maybe this is a selfish decision on my part...in fact, I know it is...I'm not in the mood to go through this again. But, when will I ever be? At the moment, I'm just done taking on ALL the stress so he can have a pleasant life...
So here I am. I'm not going to be at my little brother's college graduation...and I don't think it's because I'm bitter and spiteful...just done for the moment. Right or wrong? Will I regret this? I don't know. I'm not a huge believer in regret...it seems like a pointless feeling to me...so very passive.
Anyway...I guess I've made my decision...and this is only part one....
I've been building up to a catharsis of sorts for quite some time now...but when it finally began, well, it didn't feel so good...but, then again, I guess that's why feelings are repressed to begin with.
I was finally honest with my brother on why I had been putting off making plans to attend his graduation in San Diego at the end of May. I have no idea if I'm making the right decision or not, and I can't seem to find anyone who can tell me...so, I'm doing what I think needs to be done.
A little background here: My parents are divorced. My parents don't get along...at all. My parents haven't seen each other in at least six years. My parents will BOTH be at my brother's graduation...sitting next to each other in assigned seating. My parents will BOTH be wanting to spend time as a family...seperate from the original family. My dad is remarried....wife and a couple of step kids...my mother is not. I don't think my mother has ever fully grasped this reality.
I pointed this out to my brother a few months ago and told him that he needed to think about how he was going to handle that. His response was "Oh...it'll be o.k...You'll be there with Mom, and I'll be spending a lot of time with Girlfriend anyway." So basically it came down to, "It's not my problem, really...and you can deal with the blunt end of the stress like you always do!"
I had to deal with this at my graduation a few years back...he was no help to me either, but he was in school, so I'm not holding that against him. Also, at my graduation there were about 10,000 people there...no assigned seating...the seperation was alot easier, but it still caused me to have one of the worst weekends of my life....awwwww, my college graduation! Thank god I'm never getting married.
Fairness has nothing to do with this. If I were bitter about the world not being "fair" I really would be rocking back and forth in that cave right now. My brother and I have gone through several situations like this in the past few years. I've always realized that he is younger than me...and that he does have more of a future than I do...and that I have more avaliable "time" in my life to pick up the pieces.
But, I really think it's time for him to grow up and take some responsibilty. Maybe this is a selfish decision on my part...in fact, I know it is...I'm not in the mood to go through this again. But, when will I ever be? At the moment, I'm just done taking on ALL the stress so he can have a pleasant life...
So here I am. I'm not going to be at my little brother's college graduation...and I don't think it's because I'm bitter and spiteful...just done for the moment. Right or wrong? Will I regret this? I don't know. I'm not a huge believer in regret...it seems like a pointless feeling to me...so very passive.
Anyway...I guess I've made my decision...and this is only part one....
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wow---this is a toughie.
but if i may be so bold as to throw in my 2 cents, i would say you're doing the right thing. if your family is going to behave poorly instead of sucking it up and making nice for one lousy graduation, then that's their problem. you're not responsible for fixing them---you are responsible for loving them and sometimes that love has to be of the "tough" variety. If your parents and your brother are going to act like children, they can do that without you. You are right to be honest with your brother---however, don't hold your breath about him maturing anytime soon---most brothers never do. (At least not in their sister's eyes...) :-)
Hope I haven't said too much here.
If i have, you know where to boot me.
but if i may be so bold as to throw in my 2 cents, i would say you're doing the right thing. if your family is going to behave poorly instead of sucking it up and making nice for one lousy graduation, then that's their problem. you're not responsible for fixing them---you are responsible for loving them and sometimes that love has to be of the "tough" variety. If your parents and your brother are going to act like children, they can do that without you. You are right to be honest with your brother---however, don't hold your breath about him maturing anytime soon---most brothers never do. (At least not in their sister's eyes...) :-)
Hope I haven't said too much here.
If i have, you know where to boot me.
Well, in all honesty, I don't know how they're going to act. It could all be a civil situation for all I know. But, I DO know that I don't need to travel 2000 miles to go through yet another situation that requires me to take "calm pills".
I love my brother and my family. I'm just stepping off the stage for a little while...
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I love my brother and my family. I'm just stepping off the stage for a little while...
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