4.26.2005
I couldn't feel any better even if I had my very own Volvo station wagon!
Ahhh...apparently some parts of "tough" change aren't all that bad.
I decided to stay away from the drink last night and, miraculously, I was able to wake up at a decent hour this morning and proceed to have an über productive day. I don't know really how to explain this, but most of my days off consist of getting one of the tasks on my list completed...IF I'm lucky....the rest of the day will usually involve intermittent napping and the, ummm, occassional blog reading. Maybe this is why everybody says alcoholism is bad...
Not today, my friends! Today, oh yes, today...I completly cleaned my house, did some price checking at the Home Depot, got a hair cut, went grocery shopping, picked the kids up from soccer practice AND had dinner on the table by six!
All of the above are true. Just replace "kids" with "mail" and "soccer practice" with "mail box"...oh, and "dinner" with "cat kibble".
Yup. It's true. It's also true that, although this is a fascinating accomplishment, this type of productivity can get quite monotonous...so, I'm not getting too excited.
The second part of coming to terms with my e x t e n s i v e l y long emotional repression has definately been the hardest. I won't go into too much detail about it, but it involves a halt to a dysfunctional (at least on my part) relationship and a marked choice to move on, despite my stupid ego's desire to stay.
I don't think there's been enough time for me to know whether this is a good, healthy decision or rather a bad, selfish quick-sprint away from dealing with the "real world." As always, fuck if I know.
But either way, I'm dealing with it...the melancholy...the brief highs and moments of completly unrelated thought...the ever-present reminders...the constant "I'm such a fucking asshole" feelings...
...and I may have even found myself a cave...only this might be a good kind of cave...one with some sun...and productive activities...and parades...and chowder...more on that to come.
Damnit. Decisions are hard. Going with the flow and being wishy-washy is much easier. I've always been more accustomed to following the the latter...and, yet once again, I'm starting to realize where it's gotten me: Absolutely Nowhere. Actually, that's really unfair for me to say. I get so much out of everything I do, it's just that I very rarely feel like I'm making any vertical movements...and there's no use bitching about it if I'm not going to take any action...I guess.
Ok. Enough with the cryptic crap already! I'm ready to stop thinking for a bit...I think I'll go see what's on the TV box...
I decided to stay away from the drink last night and, miraculously, I was able to wake up at a decent hour this morning and proceed to have an über productive day. I don't know really how to explain this, but most of my days off consist of getting one of the tasks on my list completed...IF I'm lucky....the rest of the day will usually involve intermittent napping and the, ummm, occassional blog reading. Maybe this is why everybody says alcoholism is bad...
Not today, my friends! Today, oh yes, today...I completly cleaned my house, did some price checking at the Home Depot, got a hair cut, went grocery shopping, picked the kids up from soccer practice AND had dinner on the table by six!
All of the above are true. Just replace "kids" with "mail" and "soccer practice" with "mail box"...oh, and "dinner" with "cat kibble".
Yup. It's true. It's also true that, although this is a fascinating accomplishment, this type of productivity can get quite monotonous...so, I'm not getting too excited.
The second part of coming to terms with my e x t e n s i v e l y long emotional repression has definately been the hardest. I won't go into too much detail about it, but it involves a halt to a dysfunctional (at least on my part) relationship and a marked choice to move on, despite my stupid ego's desire to stay.
I don't think there's been enough time for me to know whether this is a good, healthy decision or rather a bad, selfish quick-sprint away from dealing with the "real world." As always, fuck if I know.
But either way, I'm dealing with it...the melancholy...the brief highs and moments of completly unrelated thought...the ever-present reminders...the constant "I'm such a fucking asshole" feelings...
...and I may have even found myself a cave...only this might be a good kind of cave...one with some sun...and productive activities...and parades...and chowder...more on that to come.
Damnit. Decisions are hard. Going with the flow and being wishy-washy is much easier. I've always been more accustomed to following the the latter...and, yet once again, I'm starting to realize where it's gotten me: Absolutely Nowhere. Actually, that's really unfair for me to say. I get so much out of everything I do, it's just that I very rarely feel like I'm making any vertical movements...and there's no use bitching about it if I'm not going to take any action...I guess.
Ok. Enough with the cryptic crap already! I'm ready to stop thinking for a bit...I think I'll go see what's on the TV box...
