9.22.2004
It's like a time machine in my head and everyone's invited!
So...I hear that the Star Wars trilogy came out on DVD today. How 'bout that. I also hear that George Lucas thought it would be best to alter up all the movies so they would better fit the stories of the newer prequels. He decided that now that he's powerful enough, he wants the movies to represent his original vision...the way he wanted it all along. Dumbass. I'm not even a mega Star Wars fan, but I mean, come on! That's like Aerosmith going back and redoing "Sweet Emotion" so that the lyrics match that ever-so-clever theme they had going on with Alisha Silverstone and the "Livin' on the Edge-Crazy-Cryin" songs/videos. And on top of that, he's vowed to never release the originals on DVD...ever! He was all like "If you want those, they're available on VHS"...smarmy bastard.
Wouldn't that be cool if Alisha or Liv took the place of Princess Leia though? I mean, not all the time, but if George just kinda slipped one of them in a scene with a gratuitous navel ring shot and all...nobody would even notice.
SO. In the spirit of George Lucas, I've decided to go back to MY past and change a whole lotta crap and make it the way I wanted it to be in the first place...these statements will not be merely words...they will completely override anything that actually happened in my past. Whether you like it or not:
1. The matching polka dot blouse/pant suit I proudly wore in 6th grade...accessorized by a denim fanny pack. In the newly released version of my life, this is not only the hipest newest fashion to be introduced to Creekwood Middle School in 1990, but I was actually contacted by Z. Cavaricci himself in order to make sure this profound fashion statement reached high schools across the nation.
2. That sizeable dent in my car's fender that mysteriously appeared after a small LSD bender? It turns out it really DID come from a wily shopping cart in the Randall's parking lot!
3. All my past boyfriends have been digitally altered to appear as female girlfriends. I've been gay all along. I wouldn't want the story of my life to have any misleading "holes"*
4. When the scene calls for shots of my music collection, the MC Hammer, Shania Twain, and Boston albums will be replaced with Brian Eno, Patti Smith and Badly Drawn Boy CDs.
There. That should take care of it. Look for the director's cut of my life to be released exclusively on DVD in 2008...at which time, the 2004 editions will be taken off shelves and made illegal to produce, play or talk about.
*that's not meant to be dirty. Clean up your mind, sicko.
Wouldn't that be cool if Alisha or Liv took the place of Princess Leia though? I mean, not all the time, but if George just kinda slipped one of them in a scene with a gratuitous navel ring shot and all...nobody would even notice.
SO. In the spirit of George Lucas, I've decided to go back to MY past and change a whole lotta crap and make it the way I wanted it to be in the first place...these statements will not be merely words...they will completely override anything that actually happened in my past. Whether you like it or not:
1. The matching polka dot blouse/pant suit I proudly wore in 6th grade...accessorized by a denim fanny pack. In the newly released version of my life, this is not only the hipest newest fashion to be introduced to Creekwood Middle School in 1990, but I was actually contacted by Z. Cavaricci himself in order to make sure this profound fashion statement reached high schools across the nation.
2. That sizeable dent in my car's fender that mysteriously appeared after a small LSD bender? It turns out it really DID come from a wily shopping cart in the Randall's parking lot!
3. All my past boyfriends have been digitally altered to appear as female girlfriends. I've been gay all along. I wouldn't want the story of my life to have any misleading "holes"*
4. When the scene calls for shots of my music collection, the MC Hammer, Shania Twain, and Boston albums will be replaced with Brian Eno, Patti Smith and Badly Drawn Boy CDs.
There. That should take care of it. Look for the director's cut of my life to be released exclusively on DVD in 2008...at which time, the 2004 editions will be taken off shelves and made illegal to produce, play or talk about.
*that's not meant to be dirty. Clean up your mind, sicko.
Comments:
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Ah, re-releasing. What a gem! George Lucas looks more and more like an Ewok when I see pictures of him and he seems to be getting more and more ass-holish. He's gone to the dark side I tells ya! If you didn't go through all the things you erased, you would never grow from them. Or at the very least you wouldn't know it was bad and you couldn't kick yourself now. You would be somewhat un-flawed. And that wouldn't be any fun, would it? ~Booklahver
# posted by 
: 8:16 PM
: 8:16 PM
Ok ok...I must make a disclaimer now. There's absolutely NOTHING in my life that I would go back and change...even the really shitty stuff.
I only said that stuff in order to point out the absurdity of wanting to go back and change things. I think it's dumb.
So, no dear friend, you would certainly not be on that list.
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I only said that stuff in order to point out the absurdity of wanting to go back and change things. I think it's dumb.
So, no dear friend, you would certainly not be on that list.
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