Austin's Lesbo BBQ

I'd like to know if relationships back in the 50's and 60's were really as straight forward as the music of the time led us to believe. I mean, I know it wasn't...In reality...I've seen the VH1 behind the music and ridiculous amounts of divorce that probably has a direct correlation with Phil Spector and his wall of sound.

But, I just get so uptight when I hear that music. It's all about meeting and then immediately marrying and being happy forever ever. If only if were that simple. Ok. Then we'd all be bored...and then that leads to other devious stuff...but IF ONLY!

So...I'm starting to think that I may be being toyed with by the bartender. This all goes back to my doubts about being "aggressive"...as passive as I am normally, even my slight move makes me aggressive. I'm now thinking that declaring my interest has harmed me more than helped me. I feel that she sees me more as this flattering chick that has a crush on her...an opportunity to boost her self-esteem...nothing to be taken seriously.

It's so weird. This is the first time ever that I've put myself in this situation. I feel so vulnerable. Wow...I guess I know what it feels like to be a guy in the dating world now...intense. Fucking uncertainty. Fucking self doubt. Fucking Ronnettes.

I know that I'm probably just over reacting to very minor details of normal human interaction...so I keep telling myself. But, this has seriously been going on for too long...I want my anxiety to pass already...and I've never really been into giving up. I've gone from nearly complete self-confidence into gradual self-depreciation...and I'm not down with that.

Here's my final thought: What do you think, mo' fo'?